Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Thursday, May 13, 2021

Do old-fashioned caller-requested song dedications on the radio have a place on the Web? The mind behind Thisgoesout.to thinks so:

There is an alchemy to song dedications — canned ingredients combined to express earnest and deeply felt emotion. The music is often saccharine. The words of love and longing tend toward the generic, delivered in the slick, mannered voice of the DJ. And yet, with dedications, as with many forms of private sentiment expressed in public, the emotional pull is undeniable.

Maybe all that is true, but the online result here is rather uninspiring: A sparsely-adorned page of black-and-while pixels, with just the short dedication message and a Flash player-ette of the song that’s “going out to”. Doesn’t really have an impact. Even worse, there’s no permalink for each dedication page — the Tumblr-powered site slots new requests onto “Page 1″, thus pushing the archived ones down the line and continually changing their individual URLs. In other words, you can’t even send a link to your object of dedication so that they can see the online love.

The idea is to recreate the schmaltzy sentimentality of Casey Kasem’s classic long-distance dedications, and you need more than an unadorned page with a Twitter-like quip to do that. Overall, I don’t see this online translation capturing the spirit of the original radio-borne expressions set to music.

I agree that there’s “alchemy” in those radio airwaves, though. Not that I was ever one to participate — radio’s never been my preferred medium. But I recall listening to a late-night music show on local NPR years ago, in Tampa. The unique feature that I found to be the entertaining hook: The bulk of the dedications came from women who were sending a musical shout-out to mates who were in prison. It was comical and poignant at the same time — which I guess counts as alchemical.

by Costa Tsiokos, Thu 05/13/2010 03:00pm
Category: Creative, Internet, Pop Culture, Radio
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Wednesday, May 05, 2021

Not even Harold or Kumar could grok this ill-advised brand extension: A White Castle-scented candle.

The candle’s “steam grilled on a bed of onions” scent was created by Nest Fragrances, and the limited-edition candle comes in a ceramic holder designed to mimic White Castle’s hamburger packaging, the fast food chain said this week.

I’d think the smell of those greasy belly-bombs would be the last thing to emphasize. If anything, it should discourage potential runs to the royal burger-barn.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 05/05/2021 11:55pm
Category: Food, Pop Culture
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Tuesday, May 04, 2021

cinco lord
Unlike last year, I didn’t spend today wondering why Star Wars Day falls on the fourth day of May.

So I commemorated the Force free of doubt. But I did heed this cautionary advice:

Just don’t celebrate enough to have a revenge of the fifth.

Thus, the above image of Sith Lord Darth Vader, rockin’ his iPod. The ways of the Force are mysterious indeed.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 05/04/2021 11:07pm
Category: Comedy, Movies, Pop Culture, Wordsmithing
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Monday, May 03, 2021

Lest the tragedy of the 1978 Jonestown massacre be forgotten, a movement is afoot in Guyana to erect a tourist destination on the jungle-strewn site of Jim Jones’ former People’s Temple.

Should this enterprise ever get off the ground, it’s safe to assume that you will not be able to drink Kool-Aid (or even Flavor-Aid) at any of the resultant concession stands. Even if, in some perverse commercial pouring-rights deal, said beverages were to be offered there, you’d be well-advised to not partake. Oh, yeah.

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 05/03/2021 11:03pm
Category: History, Pop Culture, True Crime
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Tuesday, April 27, 2021

pal o' mine
According to Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen, all you need to pass yourself off as a U.S. senator is a fake ZZ Top beard and some furniture glue.

Oh, Jimmy. With investigative acumen like that, it’s a wonder how you ever got even a stringer’s assignment with The Daily Planet (let alone your own comic book title). Maybe journalistic standards are more lax in Metropolis. If I were editor of that newspaper, your material would never make it past the good ol’ agate page.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 04/27/2010 09:09am
Category: Comedy, Pop Culture, Publishing
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Monday, April 26, 2021

erectSo we’ve all seen that Kia Sorrento Super Bowl ad with the joyriding kids’ toys. And we all know that Muno of “Yo Gabba Gabba!” fame is a prominent member of that car-selling entourage.

But not everyone in the automotive-marketing world is picking up on Muno’s family-friendly image:

What the hell, Kia? I understand that this “one-eyed monster” is a character from some kids’ show, but to your child-free customers this key marketing character looks like an infected phallus with a nasty case of genital warts. If that’s what you get with a new Kia Sorrento, I’ll pass.

Of course, “child-free customers” wouldn’t be in the market for a minivan anyway. So it’d be easy enough to dismiss such criticism, seeing as how it comes from a jaded car-showroom human prop. On the other hand, speculation about Muno’s phallic-reminiscent vibe(ration) has been around since the show’s 2007 debut:

“He’s tall and friendly,” the theme song informs us, as the giant orange cyclops jumps up and down (vibrates, really) and giggles. His most noticeable for-her-pleasure feature by far is the fact that he’s covered with Astroglide little bumps that aren’t unlike several products you’ll find in the Good Vibrations catalogue.

So is Muno really an overgrown joystick, in more than one sense of that word? I guess there are worse things to be patterned after.

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 04/26/2010 08:08am
Category: Advert./Mktg., Pop Culture, TV
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Sunday, April 25, 2021

son of krypton
I don’t recall this terse last-minute exchange in the standard origin mythos of the Man of Steel:

Lara: I mean, whatever, the whole planet is going to blow up in like five minutes. I can’t see how it would have made any difference.
Jor-El: This is why you’ll never understand ethics.
Lara: Not unless you can explain it in the next five minutes!
Jor-El: It’s pretty simple: you wanted to kill the baby.
Lara: By sucking it out of my womb, and you want to kill the baby by blasting it into space.
Jor-El: Not kill it! Get it off Krypton before the planet explodes.
Lara: Isn’t it your fault that the planet is exploding?
Jor-El: How is that relevant?

Hmm. With such toxic parenting (however brief), it’s no wonder that Superman developed an allergic reaction to the remnants of his home planet. In fact, based on this, I wonder if his vulnerability to kryptonite isn’t really psychosomatic — a suppressed-memory reaction to Jor-El‘s and Lara‘s post-natal negative vibes…

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 04/25/2010 05:57pm
Category: Comedy, Pop Culture
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Saturday, April 24, 2021

Back in the late ’70s, the much-ballyhooed U.S tour of the King Tutankhanmun archaeological exhibition inspired Steve Martin to add his contribution to pop culture’s trove of novelty songs:

Now when he was a young man
He never thought he’d see (King Tut)
People stand in line
To see the boy king (King Tut)

How’d you get so funky (Funky Tut)
Did you do the monkey
(Born in Arizona)
(Moved to Babylonia, King Tut)

Now that King Tut’s baubles have returned to the States, will Martin write and perform a new rendition of “King Tut”? I realize he’s long since shed his former wild-and-crazy-guy schtick, but for nostalgia’s sake, the re-booted Egyptian theme practically demands Martin’s participation.

Assuming that he won’t, here’s a live 1979 performance by Martin of “King Tut”, complete with the wacky headdress/white suit ensemble, and the hieroglyphics-inspired stage shimmying. My chief childhood memories of Martin are informed directly by this act, so it’s a trip to see it again thirty years later:

The surprise low-key appearance by The Fonz was a nice closing touch. He’s my favorite honky.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 04/24/2010 07:47pm
Category: Celebrity, Comedy, History, Pop Culture
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Saturday, April 10, 2021

“Of all the people in human history who ever reached the age of 65, half are alive now.” That’s how New Scientist consultant Fred Pearce frames the ever-aging global population, and how longer lifespans are a positive development for the world.

He does draw conclusions about resultant societal behavior that, while logical, I think are false:

If the 20th century was the teenage century, the 21st will be the age of the old: it will be pioneered by the ageing baby boomers who a generation ago took the cult of youth to new heights. Without the soaring population and so many young overachievers, the tribal elders will return. More boring maybe, but wiser, surely.

The older we are, the less likely we are to be hooked on the latest gizmos and the more we should appreciate things that last. We may even reduce pressure on the world’s resources by consuming less, and by conserving our environment more.

Granted, the numbers will win out, with more elderly calling the shots. But to imagine that this demographic will embrace their own states of being as the socio-cultural ideal is naive. The fact is, I think youth culture will become more idealized and aspired toward, even as it becomes more chronologically removed from most people’s lives.

We’re already seeing that, as true behavioral “adulthood” is now deferred, in favor of clinging to the nostalgic trappings of youth. Why don’t people embrace their maturity? I think it’s because, as our life expectancies get ever longer, the portion that’s spent in youthful years (childhood to early 20s) becomes an ever-decreasing percentage of our total life experience. So, our youthful years actually become a relatively briefer, more precious chapter of life. That’s why youth culture gets elevated as a rarefied experience, celebrated ever more intensely by virtue of that.

That’s what’s going to happen in this century, because that’s what happened last century:

Socially, you’d think the youth culture would be supplanted due to sheer numbers; but really, the history of the 20th Century argues just the opposite. As lifespans stretched, younger tastes and sensibilities came to define the zeitgeist. No reason to think that’s going to change.

I think it’s a natural human impulse, based on little more than scarcity and inattainability: Anything you can’t have (or, in this case, get back), you want that much more. The same principle applies to societal standards of beauty, and the like. The aging majority may rule, but they’ll still pine for the rarer quality of youth.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 04/10/2021 07:36pm
Category: Pop Culture, Society
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Chris Rock was perhaps never funnier than when he did his “The Dark Side with Nat X” skit on “Saturday Night Live”. “Nat X” was a rare gem, not only for the obvious parodying of ultra black nationalist sensibilities, but also because of how much it spoofed SNL’s then-contemporary sister late night show, “Late Night with David Letterman” (particularly the “White-Man Cam”, a direct homage to Letterman’s “Thrill Cam”).

My absolute favorite joke from “Nat X” has to be his sociopolitical take on bowling:

Sandman: Tonight’s letter - Dear Nat, you seem like a very tense man. What do you do to relax?

Nat X: Well, I like to go bowling. There’s nothing like taking that big, black ball and knocking it into those ten white pins with the red necks!

Incidentally, the transcript linked to above included another racial interpretation on yet another sport (which I’d forgotten all about until now):

…I’m talking about the same man who invented the game of pool: a game in which the player uses a white ball and a stick to knock a bunch of colored balls off a table and into a bunch of holes!

Action-agent gameballs that represent both races. Separate but equal, size discrepancy aside.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 04/10/2021 05:56pm
Category: Comedy, Other Sports, Pop Culture, TV
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Thursday, April 08, 2021

Who knows why I spontaneously started humming the tune to the old Schoolhouse Rock “Preamble” song earlier this afternoon? I suppose that, with as many times as I watched those animated Saturday morning shorts back during my 70s childhood, the edutainment-themed rhythms burrowed their way permanently into my brain. (It’ll be interesting when senility hits.)

And indeed, any creative effort that makes a catchy ditty out of fusty 18th-Century legalese is worthy of an encore performance:

Nostalgia, courtesy of Constitutional indoctrination. Only in America!

by Costa Tsiokos, Thu 04/08/2021 10:37pm
Category: Creative, History, Politics, Pop Culture, TV
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Sunday, April 04, 2021

now hear this
Nothing like some tweet-borne humor for today’s holiday:

@jesus: Don’t call it a comeback.

Too pop-culture and sacrilegious? Hey, better to characterize Christ’s resurrection in terms of LL Cool J’s “Mama Said Knock You Out”, than to invoke that kooky Zombie Jesus story.

As it happens, Easter falls on the same date this year for Orthodox Christians and others alike. So I’ll be logging in some family time today, rather than marking a different date for the customary chocolate bunny and colored-eggs carnage. Hopefully, my own mama won’t be imploring me to knock someone out for the occasion.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 04/04/2021 11:54am
Category: Comedy, Pop Culture, Society
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Sunday, March 28, 2021

Now that Green Day is on Broadway with “American Idiot - The Musical”, the obvious diss has been dropped ad nauseam: That this most un-punk of moves officially disqualifies the band from any disestablishmentarian punk-rock coolness they might still claim.

I’ll take it a step further: Green Day as fodder for a Broadway musical puts them in the same league as ABBA. Especially considering the premature talk of a movie adaptation for “Idiot”. From here on out, I don’t think I can listen to any Green Day song without it bringing to mind the Swedish supergroup, too. (And I actually like a certain degree of ABBA, too.)

Can’t get any less punk than that. Mamma Mia, you fake-cockney accenting bitches.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 03/28/2010 07:34pm
Category: Movies, Pop Culture
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Friday, March 26, 2021

feathers fly
A new so-bad-it’s-good cult classic is born, out of last year’s Sundance Film Festival of all places. Birdemic: Shock and Terror is the realization of one man’s cinematic vision, bad spelling and all:

Evan Husney, who now works for the independent distributor Severin Films, was also at Sundance in 2009, where he spotted [director James] Nguyen driving a beat-up sport utility vehicle decorated with a prop eagle and fake blood, and blaring bird noises from its stereo.

“On the side of his car,” Mr. Husney said, “he had spelled the name of his own movie wrong. He had spelled it ‘Bidemic,’ without the R.”

Intrigued, Mr. Husney met Mr. Nguyen at a sparsely attended “Birdemic” screening. The movie, Mr. Husney said, looked “like a Super Nintendo game,” adding, “It was, like, the funniest thing I had ever seen in my entire life.”

I keep flubbing the film title myself, thinking it’s “Birdicide”; considering the backstory, I guess I shouldn’t feel bad about mangling it. Maybe I subconsciously think that “Birdicide” is more suggestive of violence, and less avian-flu redolent, than “Birdemic”. Or “Bidemic”, for that matter (which sounds like some kind of disease afflicting, or afflicted by, Vice President Joe Biden).

As for the videogame comparison, I’ll go a couple of steps further back in time: The swooping buzzards pictured above remind me less of Hitchcock’s The Birds and more of the old birds of prey from the coin-op classic “Phoenix”. Only less threatening. Even 8-bit arcade fare probably trumps the not-so-special effects in this flick.

by Costa Tsiokos, Fri 03/26/2010 01:48pm
Category: Comedy, Movies, Pop Culture, Videogames
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Thursday, March 25, 2021

blanket statement
At this point, the simple phrase “but wait, there’s more!” is beyond redemption, thanks to its cheesy sales-pitching origins:

“But wait, there’s more!” was [direct marketer Arthur] Schiff’s signature creation, his “Hamlet” and “Moby-Dick.” It eclipsed his other immortal catchphrases: “Isn’t that amazing?” “Now how much would you pay?” and “Act now and you’ll also receive…” He wrote “Wait, there’s more” for a spot for Ginsu knives (a product Schiff himself named, supposedly in his sleep), which has become one of the best-known commercials ever, and surely one of the most parodied.

And yet, despite the pop-cultural baggage they carry, those four little words still work as a value proposition, selling everything from life insurance to Snuggies. That’s because of the time-honored persuasive power behind the snappy wordplay:

But wait, there’s more! is the application of a rhetorical tactic in the amplification family of techniques developed by the ancient Greeks and Romans. Amplification makes your argument or offer more enticing by progressively “turning up the volume” as you proceed with the case you’re making.

That rhetorical tactic is formally called dirimens copulatio. The bluntest use of the second, amplifying statement involves a clearly contrary element, i.e. “not only that, but also…”. Using “there’s more” is actually a subtler approach at amplification — it suggests added value in exchange for continued attention.

Indeed, that’s how the complete Ginsu-born catchphrase works: By manufacturing a sense of urgency. Even if you weren’t enthralled by the preceding argument, the assumptive exhortation mind-tricks you into thinking that you were (if even subconsciously). The follow-on call to action at least buys time for a further sales pitch, and thus a better chance to close the deal.

A lot of psychology to back up a snippet of hucksterism. Like I said, “but wait, there’s more!” has been so overused in the arena of infomercials and similar hard-sell marketing that it’s now a self-parody. I certainly can’t use it, or hear it, without an instant ironic association. Latin lineage of dirimens copulatio aside, the catchphrase simply can’t be taken seriously anymore. But its subtext is solid enough, which is why it still shills.

by Costa Tsiokos, Thu 03/25/2010 11:44am
Category: Advert./Mktg., Pop Culture, Wordsmithing
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Monday, March 15, 2021

Take two parts Dr. Seuss, blend in one part Edgar Allan Poe, and you’ve got “Horrton Hears A Heart!”:

One day I told Sam that I’d sample his pork.

He gleefully held out a bit on a fork

and I ripped the utensil from him with my trunk!

I poked out the Eye of that ham-sucking punk!

I jumped toward him with my whole two tons intent

on quashing Sam’s life - one hundred per cent!

I wish I could look forward to forthcoming editions, like “One Death, Two Death, Red Death, Blue Death” and “The Grinch and the Pendulum” (not to mention the sequel to the above, “Horrton Hatches The Raven”). But considering that “Edgar Allan Seuss” hasn’t expanded upon this literary mashup since 1996, despite a brief spurt of rediscovered fame five years ago, I’m not holding my breath.

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 03/15/2010 10:54am
Category: Comedy, Creative, Pop Culture, Publishing
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Friday, March 12, 2021

random call
No, it didn’t take long after getting my iPhone 3GS for me to file an iPod Random Tracks post. Battery-drain be damned, I’ve gotta keep the music flowing during the daily commutes!

So this is the first edition of this little shuffled-up tunestream report to come out of my telephonic device. I’ve still got my iTouch, and it’s still going strong; but I don’t see listening to music on it as much anymore. The iPhone will be my personal jambox going forward (and no need to change the name of this Category, since the media-playing functionality is called “iPod” in the iPhone’s OS).

And with that, let’s get onto the list: The last five randomized tracks to pour through the earbuds, with accompanying lyrical snippet from each.

1. “Mathematics”, Little Boots - Don’t know my Fibonacci or Pythagoras.

2. “Great DJ”, The Ting Tings - Don’t you feel you’re growing up undone?

3. “Fancy Footwork (Death To The Throne remix)”, Chromeo - And maybe do the twerk.

4. “Ice Cream (Van She Remix)”, New Young Pony Club - Treat that treats you so mean.

5. “Hot Hot Hot!!! (Extended mix)”, The Cure - But I like it when that lightning comes.

by Costa Tsiokos, Fri 03/12/2021 01:44pm
Category: Pop Culture, iPod Random Tracks
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Sunday, March 07, 2021

News flash to my generation: A certain former music channel is cutting the cord:

“We’re pushing Generation X out,” [MTV Networks President Van] Toffler said. “We’re slaves to our different audiences, for MTV that’s millennials, who are vastly different than Generation X; they’re definitely less cynical — they’re more civic minded.”

News flash to Toffler: For the most part, Gen-X pushed MTV out the door years ago. Probably around the time that the “M” stopped standing for “music” (apparently, it now stands for “millennials”), and proto-reality show sludge like “The Real World” started dominating the channel’s airtime. As much as the channel was defined in its formative years by Gen-Xers — and vice-versa — times have changed for both. It’s not like anyone expected a televised shrine to youth to gracefully grow old with its founding audience.

In fact, one wonders why the official disconnect comes at this late date:

Regardless of whether the network’s programming matches its ideals, Toffler’s way of thinking is good business. There are roughly 78 million millennials. Generation X only has around 46 million members. If you couple that fact with the generalization that Gen-Xers are both less consumer-minded than their peers and much harder to fool, then it becomes downright surprising that MTV waited this long to shift their focus to greener pastures.

I suppose there are compensations. Middle-aged Xers can shift to VH1, where they can catch… well, the same reality TV crap as on the MTV mothership. Here’s to staying young forever!

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 03/07/2021 06:44pm
Category: Pop Culture, Society, TV
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Tuesday, March 02, 2021

From Talking Heads’ “Stop Making Sense” soundtrack — which I just recently had occasion to rediscover, in physical CD format — here is the album’s list of Jenny Holzer-inspired truisms:

TIPS FOR PERFORMERS: Playing cards have the top half upside-down to help cheaters. There are a finite number of jokes in the universe. Singing is a trick to get people to listen to music for longer than they would ordinarily. There is no music in space. People will pay to watch people make sounds. Everything on stage should be larger than in real life.

LIVING WITH OTHER PEOPLE: Violence on television only affects children whose parents act like television personalities. Table manners are for people who have nothing better to do. Civilization is a religion. Civilized people walk funny. There is always a party going on somewhere. People will you remember you better if you always wear the same outfit.

LIFE ON EARTH: Men like pastries, women like custards. Scientists have invented a love drug, but it only works on bugs. Animals like earthquakes, tornadoes and volcanic activity. Nuclear weapons can wipe out life on Earth, if used properly. Cats like houses better than people. Dolphins find people amusing, but they don’t want to talk to them. People look ridiculous when they’re in ecstasy. Schools are for training people how to listen to other people. Body odor is the window to the soul. Sound is worth money.

IN THE HOME: There have been cases where people’s shoes got stuck on their feet and could never be removed. The best way to get rid of unwanted flying insects is to have strong body odor. There hasn’t been a good-looking American car in 20 years. There is always something on television. The best length for television programs is either 30 seconds or 8 hours.

THE SPACE PEOPLE: Space People read our mail. The Space People think that TV news programs are comedies, and that soap operas are news. The Space People will contact us when they can make money by doing so. The Space People think factories are musical instruments. They sing along with them. Each song lasts from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. No music on weekends.

MONEY: People will do odd things if you give them money. When everything is worth money, then money is worth nothing. If you keep your money in your shoe, then people will know which bills are yours. If you crumple your money into little balls, it will never stick together. The best way to touch money is by the edges. U.S. money is the worst looking money in the world.

WORLD TRAVEL: Passport pictures are what people really look like. Rich people will travel great distances to look at poor people. Toast is the national dish of Australia. People never travel to look at flat landscapes. People would rather watch things than eat. Looking at postcards is better than looking at the real thing. Looking up is as scary as looking down.

IN THE FUTURE: In the future, women will have breasts all over. In the future, it will be a relief to find a place without culture. In the future, plates of food will have names and titles. In the future, we will all drive standing up. In the future, love will be taught on television and by listening to pop songs.

WORK: Crime is a job. Sex is a job. Growing up is a job. School is a job. Going to parties is a job. Religion is a job. Being creative is a job.

Some heady pearls of quirky wisdom. If you can disregard the Heads’ preoccupation with personal hygiene.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 03/02/2021 11:10pm
Category: Creative, Pop Culture
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Friday, February 19, 2021

air shred
With apologies to Journey, the above photographic evidence of radio-station sponsored rackfuls of “free air guitars” should ensure that you (yes, you) don’t stop make-believin’.

I presume this public giveaway was sanctioned — and even encouraged — by the U.S. Air Guitar Association. And even if they didn’t, it was approved at Dustbury, which is all the sanction I need to start shreddin’ the void.

by Costa Tsiokos, Fri 02/19/2010 07:20pm
Category: Comedy, Pop Culture
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Monday, February 15, 2021

The appeal of disaster movies has ebbed and flowed for decades. A recent spate of theatrical releases indicates that, currently, the flow is go: The Day the Earth Stood Still, The Book of Eli, The Road, The Happening, and Legion all attest to our public preoccupation with endtimes.

Whatever the sociological underpinnings for this fascination, better that we play them out on the big screen:

Crave danger but lack a death wish? Not to worry, I’ve got you covered. You and I can get hopped up on disaster porn. We can dream of swamps of fire, we can contemplate the sunspots on the sun. We can surrender to wind and water and meet an angel on the run. We can watch a faster ocean sweep a vaster Himalayan sky. We can get our kicks on the apocalypse. Every time a volcano pops, I get a little closer to Zen. Every time the ice cap crumbles, I feel a little cleansed. Let’s purge our souls as godheads roll and score it all to some slinky 70s soul. With 2012 around the corner, Hollywood’s throwing an eschatological feast.

Who knew the end of the world could give you such a tingly feeling?

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 02/15/2010 03:09pm
Category: Movies, Pop Culture, Society
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