Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.

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Wednesday, February 15, 2021

going for broke
Willie Nelson is well on his way to being (even more of) a musical iconoclast. After showing off his cross-genre chops with a reggae album, he now contributes to the Brokeback Mountain buzz by releasing “Cowboys Are Frequently, Secretly (Fond of Each Other)”, a 25-year-old composition that’s only now, er, coming out of the closet.

Available exclusively through iTunes, the song features choppy Tex-Mex style guitar runs and Nelson’s deadpan delivery of lines like, “What did you think all them saddles and boots was about?” and “Inside every cowboy there’s a lady who’d love to slip out.”

The song, which debuted Tuesday on Howard Stern’s satellite radio show, was written by Texas-born singer-songwriter Ned Sublette in 1981. Sublette said he wrote it during the Urban Cowboy craze and always imagined Nelson singing it.

I say, why should cowboys be the only ones to get this pop-music serenade? When’s Willie going to spread the love and remake that old “Monty Python” standard, “The Lumberjack Song”?

I cut down trees, I skip and jump,
I like to press wild flowers.
I put on women’s clothing,
And hang around in bars.

He cuts down trees, he skips and jumps,
He likes to press wild flowers.
He puts on women’s clothing
And hangs around… In bars???????

I chop down trees, I wear high heels,
Suspenders and a bra.
I wish I’d been a girlie
Just like my dear papa.

I’m sure many a lonely woodsman north of the border could stand a modern version.

- Costa Tsiokos, Wed 02/15/2006 11:55:23 AM
Category: Pop Culture, Comedy, Creative | Permalink | Feedback

Tuesday, February 14, 2021

A new bandwagon is loading up: Street lit, the book publishing business’ version of gangsta rap.

An early rising star in this subgenre is Dewitt “Relentless Aaron” Gilmore, an ex-con who emerged from prison with 30 fiction manuscripts. After publishing and distributing about a dozen of these semi-autobiographical gritty-and-grimy adventures himself, he caught the attention of St. Martin’s Press and got himself a four-book deal for a couple hundred thousand dollars.

So, I guess this is the old Eddie Murphy “Saturday Night Live” short film, “Prose and Cons”, come to life?

Somewhere, Tyrone Green seethes:

Images by Tyrone Greene…
Dark and lonely on the summer night.
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Watchdog barking - Do he bite?
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
Slip in his window,
Break his neck!
Then his house
I start to wreck!
Got no reason -
What the heck!
Kill my landlord, kill my landlord.
My land - lord

One of the funniest things “SNL” ever aired. If Shakespeare were alive today, he’d be doing time.

- Costa Tsiokos, Tue 02/14/2006 08:03:44 PM
Category: TV, Publishing, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback

'nother little piece of my heart
For the past couple of days, I’ve been getting an uptick of hits on last year’s Anti-Valentine’s ecards post. I figured it was nothing unusual, given the season.

Turns out there’s a more general Valentine’s-hatin’ sentiment out there, validated by commerce participation. None too serious, as there’s a distinctly cute streak to even this cantankerousness.

It’s a natural reaction to all the hearts and flowers imagery. If you’re flying solo, it’s magnified, and sure to bring forth the sourness.

Myself, I’ve put aside the negativity for this go-round (well, mostly); I can indulge next time. In the absence of a girlfriend, I bought a box of chocolate truffles for my mom. Figure she could use it this year. Besides, she let me have a couple of pieces — instant karma!

- Costa Tsiokos, Tue 02/14/2006 12:27:12 PM
Category: Comedy, Society | Permalink | Feedback

Wednesday, February 08, 2021

you bet
The Rick Tocchet sports-betting scandal is gaining steam quite nicely, and some folks are jumping all over it as the hockey scandal of the century.

Without getting too deep into it, I don’t see it that way. I don’t condone Tocchet’s actions, any more than others defend Pete Rose’s gambling forays. If the Phoenix assistant coach turns out to be guilty, then he probably ought to be booted from the NHL coaching ranks. But I don’t see this having a particularly long-term impact on the league, neither internally nor with the public image (not even if Wayne Gretzky winds up being complicit — which wouldn’t surprise me, since his wife seems to be knee-deep in this).

I do like how Deadspin used a post headline — “Not Even Hockey Players Gamble on Hockey” — to poke fun at a key detail in this item. It brings to mind my favorite hockey joke, which I’ll re-present here now:

A guy goes out golfing all day Saturday. That evening, after his 18 holes, he calls up his bookie.

“Hey Bobby, how you doing, it’s me. Listen, how did I do on the baseball today?”

The bookie replies, “On baseball, you lost a thousand.”

“What?” the guy says. “A thousand? Oh no, that’s terrible! My God… Well, how did I do on the football then?”

Without missing a beat, Bobby the bookie answers, “On football, you lost a thousand.”

“Another thousand?!” the guy exclaims. “You mean I lost two thousand today? I don’t understand it, this is unbelievable… Tell me how I did on the basketball?”

Bobby deadpans: “On the basketball, you lost a thousand.”

“Three thousand dollars? You’re saying I lost three thousand dollars in bets, all in one day? I can’t believe this, this can’t be… what am I going to tell my wife? My God, this is just terrible!”

“So listen,” says Bobby. “You wanna put something on the hockey game tonight?”

“Hockey?” the guy replies. “What the fuck do I know about hockey?”

What, indeed.

- Costa Tsiokos, Wed 02/08/2021 06:34:48 PM
Category: Hockey, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback (1)

Saturday, February 04, 2021

movie magic
Bollywood churns out a few thousand movies each year.

So a couple more won’t hurt, right? Do some directorial damage yourself with this self-subtitling Indian movie generator.

Here’s my own 25-second classic (adjust volume accordingly). I’m waiting for a call from Mumbai any time now.

And yes, I do have a weakness for these sort of silly things.

- Costa Tsiokos, Sat 02/04/2021 11:56:07 AM
Category: Internet, Movies, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback

Thursday, February 02, 2021

If The Hulk can do it, then so can everyone’s favorite Wookie.

The official name is UUUHHHGGG-rrrr!, but I prefer to call it the Chewbaccablog.

Granted, it’s a bit of a struggle to read; I’m guessing it loses something in translation. But dig deep enough, and you’ll find some compelling stuff, including newly-unearthed 9/11 evidence involving Deathstar involvement.

And don’t worry, the Hulkster gives his blessing.

- Costa Tsiokos, Thu 02/02/2021 06:58:58 PM
Category: Bloggin', Pop Culture, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback (2)

Wednesday, February 01, 2021

can't sleep
Inspired by the faux feel-good treatment applied to a re-cut trailer for The Shining, syrupy-sweet Sleepless in Seattle gets warped into a horror movie vehicle.

Somehow, Meg Ryan as a disconcerting stalker… feels right. Yeah, I know that you know that.

Y’know, if Sleepless really had been made this way, I think it might have edged out Bachelor Party as Tom Hanks’ greatest film moment (in my eyes).

(Via adfreak)

- Costa Tsiokos, Wed 02/01/2021 10:41:50 PM
Category: Movies, Comedy, Creative | Permalink | Feedback

Friday, January 27, 2021

Nothing like a gay cowboy story to stoke the comedic zeitgeist. Brokeback Mountain’s increasing buzz is spawning a pop-cultural cross-section of comedic material based on the movie’s premise, in turn giving the film a near-iconic status (as fleeting as it probably is).

A sampling of Brokeback jokes includes a couple of gems from “The Late Show with David Letterman”, including these selections from “Top Ten Signs You Are a Gay Cowboy”:

8. You enjoy ridin’, ropin’ and redecoratin’.

5. Native Americans refer to you as Dances With Men.

And Nathan Lane’s “Brokeback: The Musical” spoof from last month is a keeper:

(To the tune of You’re the Top)

Gay Cowboy No. 1: “You’re the top…”
Lane: “You’re the chaw that I chew…”
Gay Cowboy No. 2: “You’re the top…”
Lane: “I wish I could quit you.”

If anything, the “I wish I could quit you” line might endure long after the rest of it passes. It’s short and catchy, and adaptable to a range of circumstances. Perfect for a sound-bite society.

I’d like to point out that I did my part to spread the Brokeback fun with my “Gay Cowboys, No Pudding” post, partly inspired by “South Park”. Sure, it wasn’t terribly original, and didn’t reach more than a few thousand readers (if that). But regurgitation counts big on the InterWeb.

- Costa Tsiokos, Fri 01/27/2006 12:24:38 PM
Category: Pop Culture, Movies, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback (1)

If you’re going to hold onto a smart-ass remark in search of an appropriate prompt, you’d better make sure it’s a real good one:

I thought, at the moment, I might have a shot at a dream I’ve had for ten years now: having a guy say to me, “I don’t like the way you’re looking at my girlfriend.” To which I would reply, “Hey, don’t you flatter yourself. I don’t think that much of your girlfriend.” Like a spring, it is coiled and ready to be unleashed smoothly and with a grin, whenever the opportunity arises.

Tim: I’m thinking there’s scant chance of unleashing that witty rejoinder in Ybor. If you really want to have that spring sprung, take a road trip to Miami. Guaranteed some South Beach guido and his hoochie-mama will oblige you (including the Part II about getting jacked up afterward).

- Costa Tsiokos, Fri 01/27/2006 10:56:49 AM
Category: Florida Livin', Comedy | Permalink | Feedback (4)

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