Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, May 02, 2021

While grocery shopping today, I came across a box of fortune cookies. I grabbed them.

When I got home, I ripped open the box, and promptly unwrapped and cracked my first cookie. The fortune within read:

Today brings out the performer and humanitarian in you.

And here’s the photographic proof. For no particular reason, I’ve decided to take a cameraphone picture of each fortune slip that comes out of those cookies, which come out of that box. I aim to do one per day, and assemble the photos on a Flickr set called “The Daily Fortune Cookie Fortune”. I’ll also transcribe the fortune messages there, as well as record them here in a daily blog post. (I just pray that the box doesn’t contain a dreaded empty fortune cookie.)

We’ll see where this leads. I can tell you right off the bat that today’s cookie was, unsurprisingly, not even remotely accurate. Unless you consider sunbathing to be performance art, and helping a cousin locate her lost housekeys to be an act of humanitarianism. A real stretch in both cases.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/02/2021 08:49pm
Category: Daily Fortune Cookie Fortune, Photography
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umpity
If you’re already tired of following hitting, fielding, and pitching stats for your roto roster in this Major League Baseball season, maybe tracking the doings of the men behind home plate, fantasy-style is more your speed:

It is a fantasy league in which umpires are drafted, and in which they score points for you based on… the number of times they eject players or managers. There are convoluted (ok, impenetrable) scoring variations, but essentially it’s four points every time an ump “correctly” runs a guy, and minus three every time he fails to. There’s a draft, just like in more traditional leagues, and everybody I mentioned this to at The Stadium said the same thing: “Angel Hernandez gets taken first?”

It’s called the Umpire Fantasy League, but it’s more properly dubbed the Umpire Ejection Fantasy League, since the heave-ho action is the only stat that matters. Although I’d imagine a hardcore stats geek — which baseball tends to attract like no other sport — would go orgasmic over an ump league that included judgment over called strikes, balls, home-plate slides, etc.

Just when you thought fantasysportsland couldn’t get any more annoying. I don’t care if MLB’s umps should develop an awareness of their fantasy activities, and thus let that influence their ejection actions. I only hope this foolishness doesn’t spread to the other sports, including the ones I pay attention to.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/02/2021 08:02pm
Category: Baseball, Creative
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It worked for the Greeks once before, so why not try the oldschool Trojan tactic on this present-day crisis?

Finance ministers from sixteen EU nations awoke in Brussels this morning to find that a huge wooden horse had been wheeled into the city center overnight.

The horse, measuring several stories in height, drew mixed responses from the finance ministers, many of whom said they would have preferred a cash repayment of [the EU's $145-billion bailout of Greece's economy].

I can’t imagine that modern European technocrats are any brighter than their ancient predecessors in Troy. So I wouldn’t bet against this new gift horse. Given the home country’s broke status, I doubt there’s anything ominous lurking inside anyway.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/02/2021 03:42pm
Category: Business, Comedy, History, Political
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