Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Tuesday, February 23, 2021

The following exchange between two food servers may or may not have really happened. Okay, here’s a hint: It didn’t. But I liked the concept and the conversational timbre that somehow came to me, so I’m posting it. Besides, I need to exercise my dialogue-crafting.

Waiter 1: I’ll betya that one’s a cheap-ass tipper over there.

Waiter 2: Nah, I’ll say he’s good for a generous tip.

Waiter 1: Whaddya bet?

Waiter 2: Make it however much he leaves for you.

Waiter 1: Eh?

Waiter 2: Whatever tip he leaves, that’s how much I bet ya. So he leaves a shitty tip, you’re right and I win little to nothing. He leaves a big tip, I’m right, I’m a big winner, AND you’re a big, wrong loser.

Waiter 1: Erm.

Waiter 2: What? It’s perfect. If yer right, you win and you only lose a pittance…

Waiter 1: Yeah…

Waiter 2: And if I’m right, I win and I beat you out of a big tip — that you never figured you would see anyway, cuz you wrongly thought the guy was cheap! Hehe.

Waiter 1: Well I guess so. But I hate to lose a tip…

Waiter 2: Even a shit one?

Waiter 1: Yeah.

Waiter 2: You’ve no conviction.

Waiter 1: Nah, okay, yer on.

Who won this fictional gratuity-dependent bet? You decide. I’ve already done the hard work to this point.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 02/23/2010 08:08 AM
Category: Comedy, Creative
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