I’d wager neither Malthus nor Moore envisioned that their theories on exponential growth over time could be applied to the implements of coloring-book art:

…“Crayola’s Law,” which states: The number of colors doubles every 28 years!

If the Law holds true, Crayola’s gonna need a bigger box, because by the year 2050, there’ll be 330 different crayons!

The accompanying visual aid above, formally titled Crayola Color Chart, 1903-2010, draws from Crayola’s own corporate crayon-color chronology. I’m not sure how this accounts for retired and renamed hues — like when “flesh” was racially de-labeled into “peach” in 1962 — but I’ll accept the algorithm, in recognition of the sheer devotion required to uncover it.

As for what’s driving this multiplicity of color-sticks from the original 8 to the current 120? Maybe the world is getting more visually subtle. Or else Crayola just likes making up new color-names for marketing purposes, and simply tweaks existing shades to manufacture expansion. There goes the mathematics right out the window…

Not to be outshined by the newly “Jersey Shore”-burnished guidos, New Englanders are coalescing into their own obnoxious subculture:

They’re called Massholes. Though there is some disagreement about what, exactly, constitutes a Masshole, there are several characteristics present in all definitions. A Masshole is a resident of Massachusetts — though sometimes Rhode Island, New Hampshire, or Maine — who possesses a nearly carnal love for the Red Sox, Patriots, Celtics, and Bruins; operates motor vehicles in an aggressive fashion; drinks Sam Adams; and overuses the adjective “wicked.”

Coming soon to a reality show near you, presumably. The days of regionally-confined objectionableness are long behind us, it seems. I only hope that New York, being caught in the resulting geographic nexus, comes out intact.

I totally get the point of getting a round tuit. Especially when it would, appropriately, take a good while to do so.

But, despite the apologetic note included, I really don’t see a need for getting a square tuit.

Get it? If not, you’ll come around to it…