Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Tuesday, October 13, 2021

twits about nothing
The show about nothing meets the website about 140-character bits of nothing. Frank Ferri wonders how the “Seinfeld” crew would react to compulsive Twittering:

JERRY: You know, you’ve got to have something to tweet about in order to tweet.

GEORGE: I got plenty to tweet about, baby!

JERRY: No, no you don’t. You see, you have the Twitter account and the laptop. But you don’t have anything worthwhile to tweet about. No job, no girlfriend, no…

JERRY: What’s the deal with that 140-character limit, anyway? Like if it was 141, the Internet would break?

GEORGE: Ooh, that’s good. Can I tweet that?

I think Kramer would be more prone to over-tweeting than George, actually. To the point where Kramerica Industries would release a Twitter app — one with a tripwire auto-shutdown, to prevent a repeat of the Bob Sacamano death-by-Twitter tragedy.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 10/13/2009 10:53 PM
Category: Comedy, Creative, Social Media Online, TV
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If the idea of getting impregnated by some anonymous seed from a sperm bank leaves you cold, perhaps you’ll warm up to sperm from a celebrity look-alike donor:

Donor Look-a-Likes helps answer the would-be clients’ most frequently asked question about their donors, which is who do they look like, said California Cryobank’s communications manager, Scott Brown.

“The goal was not to say you can have a baby that looks like Bob Saget,” Brown said. “The goal was to say this donor happens to resemble this celebrity.”

The site offers a search function with donors who sperm bank staff believe resemble actors such as Aaron Eckhart, Jake Gyllenhaal, Errol Flynn and a “young” Russell Crowe (versus the current Russell Crowe, who is 45). Donor Look-a-Likes are not limited to thespians — the sperm bank’s vast Web search includes Tom Brokaw, Tiger Woods, Stephen Colbert, Lance Bass and Adam Carolla.

Only in Southern California could aspirational star-fucking become womb-filling reality. And here’s the celebrity-guided procreational urge in action:

One prospective mom told NBC that the process of selecting a donor had been mind-numbing for her. “I’m flipping through the catalog with a friend of mine, feeling like I was about to recruit a basketball team, because it was just all stats.” And while she whittled down her list, the Cryobank couldn’t show her a picture of the donor — but it could tell her one of her finalists resembled Freddie Prinze Jr.

“For me, that clinched it right then and there,” she said. “I’ve always found him attractive!”

I see a wave of fake paternity suits in about five years’ time, thanks to the resulting resemblances. Given how some Hollywood celebs can’t account for where their penises end up on any given weekend, some mommy’s going to cash in out-of-court — and only she and her fertility doctor will know for sure…

If you’re one of those people who can’t resist giving a Web-based search database a whirl, have at it. God help you if you look for a Jaleel “Urkel” White stand-in sperm.

by Costa Tsiokos, Tue 10/13/2009 09:05 AM
Category: Advert./Mktg., Celebrity, Science, Society
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