Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Wednesday, April 22, 2021

The phrase “turning on the waterworks” gets turned upside-down, physiologically speaking, with the stainless steel WaterWorks douche.

A ladies’ hygiene device, branded as a pure-water vaginal irrigation system. I’m sure an analogy to plumbing is in there somewhere too…

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 04/22/2009 03:58:04 PM
Category: Science, Women, Wordsmithing
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rough diamond
Just the other day, I was bitching about how overly-enamored this town is when it comes to their precious baseball teams.

Apparently, that devotion has its limits when it comes to forking over premium-seating cash:

After spending $2.3 billion on new stadiums packed with suites, restaurants and the latest technology, the Mets and the Yankees expected fans to embrace their new homes and pay top dollar for the privilege. Almost every team that has built a new stadium in the recent past has seen an immediate surge in attendance.

Instead, the Mets and the Yankees face a public relations nightmare and possibly millions of dollars in lost revenue after failing to sell about 5,000 tickets — including some of the priciest seats — to each of their first few games after last week’s openers.

The empty seats are a fresh sign that the teams might have miscalculated how much fans and corporations were willing to spend, particularly during a deep recession. Whatever the reason, the teams are scrambling to comb over their $295- to $2,625-a-seat bald spots.

So much for sports being recession-proof. They actually are to a degree, just like any other form of entertainment; but disposable income stops being disposable when the per-game pricetag tops a thousand bucks to just plant your butt in a seat.

This underlines just how shallow the well has become. The Yankees certainly have been beating the bushes to reach new high-end ticketbuyers, even engaging luxury real-estate agents to package those premium seats with home purchases. Since the housing market in the tri-state area is just now softening, the timing couldn’t be worse for that pitch.

As for the Mets, I detect a potential silver lining for me personally. I already mentioned that last week’s canceled insider’s tour of Citi Field would be rescheduled, with a good chance of game tickets being thrown in. If those home-plate premium seats are still unsold by that point… Dare I dream?

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 04/22/2009 02:20:44 PM
Category: Baseball, New Yorkin', SportsBiz
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It’s getting a bit long in the tooth, considering the events in the following recollection took place nearly 20 years ago. Nevertheless, today is Earth Day, and this blog’s tradition calls.

Once again, the backdrop: It’s 1990, in a dormitory lounge at my alma mater, with my 18-year-old self gawking at an old TV with over-the-air reception only (no cable on campus back then). The perfect ingredients for spontaneous save-the-planet action!

My favorite Earth Day memory is a prank I played 13 16 17 18 several years ago. I was sitting in my dorm lounge with a dormmate. We were flipping through the channels (no cable TV in the dorms back then -– the dark ages!!), and catching a couple of news reports telling us it was Earth Day. Then we land on Home Shopping Network, just as they start rolling out their fur collection for display and sale.

It hit me: Furs? They’re hawking freakin’ furs on Earth Day? Come on!

Now, I wasn’t then, nor am I now, a hard-core environmentalist or animal-rights advocate. I’m sympathetic with those philosophies, to a point, but I eat meat, wear leather, etc. Nevertheless, some part of my sensibilities was offended by seeing such a bizarre juxtaposition. I think I was offended by the stupidity, or more likely ignorance, on display by HSN.

So, I decided to do something. I got my phone, dialed up the HSN order line, and as soon as the customer service drone answered, I yelled, “EARTH DAY! FUR IS MURDER! BOYCOTT! BOYCOTT!!”. I did it a couple more times after that. Then I got my dormmate to call too, on his phone; he did a very low-key version of same spiel (sans yelling –- that was my schtick).

We had our fun, and decided to keep watching the channel to see if our childish actions had any on-air effect. Lo and behold, about 10 minutes after the last of our calls, the show host mentioned, “By the way, folks, today is Earth Day”, and then abruptly switched from the fur display to something else. We laughed our asses off! It looked like we had stuck it to the man!

And, since the above seems to bother Home Shopping Network employees/fans, here’s some further clarification:

It seems to be eluding some that the episode above happened in 1990. When I was 18 years old, btw — so the “childish” insult doesn’t faze me, as I practically was still a child at that point. Also, whatever call-center procedures that are in place now most likely weren’t in effect back then. So don’t bother citing current SOP because it probably doesn’t apply.

Secondly, I never state that the operators somehow relayed those crank calls to the broadcast booth. However, you can bet those calls were being monitored from a higher source, and from there filtered to what was going on on-screen.

Lastly: Whether or not my imagined cause-and-effect really happened, the sequence is where the humor is. It still makes for a funny story, which is why I look forward to recycling it yet again next year. :)

Happy greening, folks!

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 04/22/2009 10:32:32 AM
Category: College Years, Comedy, Political
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