Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, March 09, 2021

In the wake of a fresh round of high-profile literary memoir forgeries, in the form of Margaret Seltzer and Misha Defonseca, there comes an earth-shattering revelation out of the world of fiction: Franz Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”, that classical metaphorical study on modern alienation, has been scandalously discovered to be a true story.

“I’ve been teaching ‘The Metamorphosis’ for years, said a professor of literature at Princeton, who insisted that he be identified as P. “I’ve called it one of the most sublime pieces of literature ever written. Elias Canetti called it ‘one of the few great and perfect poetic works written during this century.’ To find out that it’s actually true is devastating.”

The actual condition of Kafka’s neighbor, a Prague salesman who didn’t return our calls or e-mail messages requesting comment, is known as entomological dysplasia, and is somewhat rare. It results in the development over time of a hard carapace, a segmented body and antennas.

In a telephone interview, Mr. Kafka was contrite and tearful. “I know what I did was wrong,” he said. “I’m very alienated from myself, but that’s no excuse to lie. I took someone’s life and selfishly turned it into an enigmatic literary parable.”

There’s nothing left to believe in. Das Nichts.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 03/09/2021 11:35:29 PM
Category: Publishing, Comedy
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