Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Wednesday, August 01, 2021

I admit that, some mornings, I just don’t feel like trudging all the way down to the subway station. On those sleepwalking days, I’d really rather hitch a ride; and as long as I’m on the road, I might as well head over to the nearest express train.

So sure, I can totally empathize with “MetroCard mayor” Mike Bloomberg’s need to take a chauffeured SUV from his 79th Street townhouse every morning, bypassing two subway stations on the way to the 59th Street-Lexington stop.

Correction: Make that two SUVs. For just one mayor.

The Suburbans are “selected, owned, and maintained” by the N.Y.P.D., which organizes security for the mayor, according to [spokesman Stu] Loeser. Asked why the mayor required two sport-utility vehicles, Mr. Loeser declined to comment.

Assuming Mike starts his days at least an hour before I typically do, I’d like to request that he send over whichever car he’s not occupying that day over my way. Share the wealth!

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 08/01/2021 10:35 PM
Category: New Yorkin'
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head-buttIt’s hard to tell what Robert Olen Butler is more pissed off about these days:

- That his wife, Elizabeth Dewberry, is leaving him to join Ted Turner’s girlfriend harem, or

- That the mass email he sent out to announce this personal embarrassment found its way onto Gawker.com.

I’m thinking that if Butler writes a sequel to “Severance”, his creepy collection of short stories about decapitation stream-of-consciousness, there’ll be a chapter reserved for a certain ex-media mogul. It might go something like this:

spanish moss all over trees new groundskeepers maybe put girls to work Fonda motor Honda always humid still sore at Case never would have sold if he left first colorized Casablanca would work today mouth of south could be worse left humanitarianism gold medal in Turner Field private smokeroom best Braves manager ever United Nations one billion down one to go merge X-Games Goodwill Games rejuvenate thought of dad almost puking how did Olen get in here Elizabeth went out

Note: The above is 80 words, on the dot — not the 240-word limit Butler used as the literary device for the “Severance” stories. Because as we later learned, a severed human head has only a third of the time to ponder its situation as was once presumed. Less time to stew about things, I say.

Last word on the matter: Let’s remember that Butler dedicated “Severance” to his then-wife:

For Elizabeth: This book began when I showed you my beloved Saigon and we stood before the guillotine at the War Crimes Museum. My head was already over my heels for you.

And she broke up with him? Go figure.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 08/01/2021 09:40 PM
Category: Celebrity, Internet, Publishing
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If you’re trying to score, and your technique involves charm via attrition, then you need absolutely need this list of 237 reasons people cited as reasons for having sex. It’s the result of a psychology survey at the University of Texas, and it can be sliced and diced along all the usual parameters.

The justifications for getting it on run the gamut, from “you smell nice” to perceived matrimonial duty. Probably my favorite:

182. I wanted to become more focused on work - sexual thoughts are distracting.

Nothing like appealing to the instinct for career advancement.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 08/01/2021 08:16 AM
Category: Comedy, Science, Society
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