Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Monday, July 30, 2021

Okay, so FLEXPETZ comes off as just another bizarre outgrowth of urban living: A timesharing scheme in which those cramped for time and living quarters co-opt pet canines.

The service isn’t cheap. Customers pay a one-time $150 training fee plus a $99.95 annual fee and a $49.95 monthly fee ($599.40 a year). That doesn’t include the dog. It costs between $24.95 and $39.95 a day — plus tax and up to $35 in delivery fees — to rent a pooch.

“Our members are responsible in that they realize full-time ownership is not an option for them and would be unfair to the dog,” the company’s owner, Marlena Cervantes, tells the Associated Press. “It prevents dogs from being adopted and then returned to the shelter by people who realize it wasn’t a good fit.”

Timeshares — they’re not just for Hamptons flophouses anymore! And there’s a calculated reason for calling this a timeshare: It conveys an upscale approach. What sounds better: A rent-a-dog shop, or a canine timesharing program? That’s why FLEXPETZ’s owner bristled at the description of a rental service.

So something just under a grand annually for a fraction of a dog. I’d imagine you could probably find someone in your neighborhood who’d lend you their pooch for frequent walkies (with accompanying poop-scooping, of course).

On the other hand, if a sense of ownership — however flimsy — means that much to you, I suppose there are worse ways to go. And if a single dog is spared an existence being cooped up in a crackerbox apartment all day, more neglected than anything, then I suppose I could abide this.

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 07/30/2007 11:04:16 PM
Category: Business, Society
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Just curious:

When job-listings site Monster announces 800 job cuts of its own, does it point those set adrift toward its own job openings?

I’d think that, just to maintain its declared mojo as being able to match up the perfect job with the perfect job-seeker, it would set up a special, private job board for all those ex-Monsterites. Maybe include the link in the pink slip?

Furthermore, would a fired Monster employee appreciate such an effort, or interpret it as a backhanded slap, laden with ulterior self-serving motive for the company?

I wonder if I’m the only one who sees the irony is such corporate maneuvers…

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 07/30/2007 10:25:57 PM
Category: Business, Internet
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A century ago, municipal public swimming pools helped foster social reform.

Originally pools were melting pots where blacks, whites and immigrants interacted. Men and women, however, swam on separate days.

The dynamics changed after World War I. Pools went from bathhouses to leisure destinations, complete with sand and chairs for sunbathing. Cities across the country joined in a construction craze, building pools like Fairgrounds Park Pool in St. Louis that could accommodate thousands of swimmers at a time.

That was then. Fast forward to the early 21st Century, when the bold initiatives of yesteryear have been subverted by the modern-day wet-n-wild that is the average water park:

Truly, at the water park there was a meemaw looking woman wearing a t-shirt and jean shorts with her “hard-as-a-rock” breasts staring right at me at every turn-style. Meemaw looked like she just got out of Jed Clampet’s truck and was on her way to a senior citizen porn audition. If she could afford those breasts (and fake teeth), then why couldn’t she splurge on a bathing suit?

Not only did open wounds and gnarly toenails put me off my feed, but the smokers who punctuated their nasty habit with a “hocka-pa-tooey” on the ground in front of me completely grossed me out. Walking behind Carruso (I know that’s his name because it was tattooed across the entire span of his upper back) and trying to make sure my asthmatic son avoids the smoke billowing out of Carruso’s body, I stop in my tracks as Carruso hocks up a big loogey and spits it on to the cement where the entire water park population walks BAREFOOTED.

And you actually have to pay admission to get into these liquid-borne germ farms, versus the free pass at public pools. So much for water as a unifying medium.

by Costa Tsiokos, Mon 07/30/2007 09:45:54 PM
Category: Comedy, History, Society
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