Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Saturday, May 05, 2021

Yesterday morning, on the way to the office, I unexpectedly had a very pleasant conversation on the train. She was quite articulate, very engaging, full of wit, and — oh yeah — a knockout.

And I feel like a jerk. Because I spotted her wedding ring straight away, and pretty much auto-responded to her for the whole 20 minute ride.

Yes, I went into shut-down mode because, since she was married, my interest level dropped precipitously. Knowing I didn’t have a chance with her made me lose interest instantly, despite her very obvious social charms. (The idea that I would have a chance with her, despite the wedding band — and I’m not saying that that was the case — is something I’d rather not explore.)

I’d like to think that I’m not at the point where I won’t bother trying to befriend a woman if the possibility of sexual gratification wasn’t high. But reflecting upon this episode, I have to conclude that this is probably where my head is at. And I’m not too thrilled about it.

Some perspective: I’m not kidding myself into thinking that I’m so irresistible to the opposite sex that a woman can’t help but jump into bed with me after the slightest bit of friendly interaction. First impressions are not my strong suit.

On the other hand, with the ocean of jerks out there, I’m far from the worst option in the dating pool. I wouldn’t consider myself a catch, but I’ve been known to underestimate/undervalue myself. Fact is, the few women I’ve spent any time with here in New York (I almost wrote “up here” — still some Floridian to beat out of me!) have given me pretty good insight to the coupling climate, especially when you’re north of 30 years old.

So I’m available. And I’m looking, although I couldn’t tell you precisely for what. I’m not looking for marriage, not looking to have a kid… What’s left? Use your imagination.

So am I being a complete jerk in not wanting to “bother” with a woman who’s already attached? Brutal frankness is encouraged, and appreciated.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 05/05/2021 07:12:05 PM
Category: Women
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5 Feedbacks »
  1. The power of a little metal strip…

    Some of us would consider ourselves fortunate were this to occur: Yesterday morning, on the way to the office, I unexpectedly had a very pleasant conversation on the train. She was quite articulate, very engaging, full of wit, and —……

    Trackback by dustbury.com — 05/06/2021 @ 12:15:27 PM

  2. No, not a jerk, but maybe shortsighted. Most married women have single friends, you know…so you should never consider it a bother to show courtesy. You never know what could come of it!

    However, I am reluctant to pass along this advice because when you describe what you’re looking for, in the vaguest way possible, it seems as if you’re saying you don’t really want to ‘bother’ with any woman. Perhaps it is only self gratification you are looking for? I hope that is not the case and I merely have a faulty imagination. But, if I am correct, please feel free to be a jerk right out in the open so the nice girls will not be misled.

    I hope my brutal frankness does not offend.

    Comment by Jan — 05/09/2021 @ 04:01:31 PM

  3. Well, you’ve already passed the advice along, so that reluctance is basically after the fact. But I appreciate it!

    “Most married women have single friends”? Don’t know how it is where you are, but in my experience, marrieds (moreso women than men) stick with marrieds, as far as immediate social circles. The idea of getting endorsed by a married friend is nice, but mostly theoretical.

    There’s a lot you can read into what I wrote above, but in fact, I didn’t specify anything. I’m certainly looking for a girlfriend, and that’s a selfish impulse… And I see no reason to apologize for that, frankly. If I’m squandering potential non-relationship opportunities in the meantime, them’s the breaks.

    Comment by CT — 05/10/2021 @ 11:52:51 AM

  4. Extending Your Network…

    Recent conversations over at Bobvis and here reminded me of something that isn’’t entirely on-topic for either conversation and deserves its own post.

    When I was young, I did “put myself out there” insofar as I asked girls out. I didn’’t do a very…

    Trackback by Hit Coffee — 05/23/2007 @ 12:12:57 AM

  5. […] of us would consider ourselves fortunate were this to occur: Yesterday morning, on the way to the office, I unexpectedly had a very pleasant conversation on […]

    Pingback by dustbury.com » The power of a little metal strip — 09/13/2008 @ 11:34:20 PM

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