Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, August 27, 2021

Allegedly, the Washington Post and Mensa recently released results to the Washington Post Mensa Invitational. The Invitational is a public solicitation to take a word from the dictionary, add/subtract/alter one letter in it, and then supply a new definition to the ersatz word.

I say “allegedly” because I can’t find a trace of this contest, on either organization’s site or in a general Web search (aside from other blog references to previous years’ editions). It seems to me that if this Invitational were real, it would be prominently referenced.

Regardless, someone’s somehow found a list of the results. Wherever these came from, they’re pretty good (although I think the list runs out of gas after No. 11):

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

3. Bozone: The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration: The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate’s disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon: The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit: The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug: Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor: The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

18. Ignoranus: A person who’s both stupid and an asshole.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/27/2006 09:45:49 PM
Category: Creative, Wordsmithing
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Behold today’s wired/mobile generation. Not only do we take our notebook computers and other gadgets to bed with us:

Dr. Enoch Choi, 36, and his wife, Tania, 33, who have been married 10 years, both take laptops to bed to write their blogs. “I suppose I started the trend,” said Dr. Choi, a physician in Palo Alto, Calif. “But now my wife is just as much the nighty-night PowerBook key-banger, blogging away for her friends.”

Ms. Choi, a computer interface designer, said she used to be offended by gadgets in the bedroom. “I don’t even have a TV in the room,” she said. But now, “it’s one of those weird modalities of intimacy I’m just going to have to reconcile myself to.”

But we also pay more attention to them than to our bedmates:

People are becoming increasingly dependent on their cellphones. According to Dan Schulman, CEO of cell operator Virgin Mobile, one in five will interrupt sex to answer their phone.

Talk about “weird modalities of intimacy”…

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/27/2006 06:19:48 PM
Category: Society, Tech
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(with apologies to Miles Davis)

Just as “wiccan” is modern parlance for witches and witchcraft, “biccan” is the new black for all things pertaining to bitches and, uh, bitchcraft.

Bicca is an universe-based religion, in which the entire universe orbits around the Biccan. Biccans know and honor a female god, known to them as “myself.” Biccans believe in a creed that states, “Do everything you want as long as it helps yourself.”

Biccans do not believe that Bicca is the only valid belief system. It is just the only one they care about. Since Bicca is a universe-based religion, the need for perfect imbalance must be pointed out. Any Biccan who does anything to help another person, even another Biccan, must be ridiculed by small groups of gathering Biccans, known as “those Biccans sitting over there.”

Finally, a religion I can get with. Too bad my genitalia doesn’t match up.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/27/2006 05:03:55 PM
Category: Comedy, Society
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