Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Wednesday, July 12, 2021

Oh yes, Snakes on a Plane is coming to a theater near you. There’s no stopping it.

And Chuck Klosterman, in his darkest heart of hearts, fears the consequences:

This kind of entertainment is irony in reverse…

If a film never takes itself seriously and originates as satire, everything is different; its badness means something else entirely. SOAP doesn’t fit into either category: It doesn’t take itself seriously, but it’s not a satire. It will probably be unentertaining in a completely conventional way. Which, apparently, is what people want. They want to see Snakes on a Plane in order to tell their friends that it’s ridiculous, even though a) that’s the only thing everyone seems to know about this movie, and b) that’s been the driving force behind its marketing campaign. It’s not a bad movie that’s accidentally good, and it’s not a good movie that’s intentionally bad; it’s a disposable movie that people can pretend to like ironically, even though a) it’s not ironic and b) they probably won’t like it at all. The only purpose of Snakes on a Plane is to make its audience feel smarter than what it’s seeing. Which adds up, since that’s part of the reason people like reading the Internet.

Klosterman bases his argument on the gut feeling that Snakes is going to be a hit, by virtue of all the pre-hype on the Web (which had a direct impact on the film, in the form of five additional days of post-production filming to include Samuel L. Jackson’s much-desired “motherfucking snakes” quotable). Hollywood being the copycat industry that it is, this would prompt an unending parade of clone dumb-downs, a concern I shared:

Snakes is probably going to wind up being a blockbuster, and then every studio’s going to come out with flicks with similarly dumbed-down tags: “Slasher in the Mall”, “Funny Guy in New Jersey”, etc. Telegraphed theatrical entertainment.

But that was more than three months ago, when the blogging/Web mania over this disembodied title was in full swing. Now? I’ve revised that assessment.

Personally, I think all the juice has been squeezed out of this lemon. It’s one thing to goof on fan-enhanced short video parodies; that’s widely available for free, from the comfort of home. That doesn’t necessarily transfer over to wanting to plunk down ten bucks, and devote a couple of hours of time, to watching an expectantly-terrible movie. Why bother? The thrill has already been experienced, in distilled form. By now, it’s largely yesterday’s news.

In short, I’m thinking Snakes‘ 15 minutes have already happened, online. At this point, the full version is just an unnecessary anticlimax. It’s a case of oversaturation, probably pointing to the dark side of viral/participatory marketing. The theaters will be shedding this slithering mess inside of a couple of weeks, and the whole phenomenon will be quickly forgotten.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 07/12/2021 11:53:41 PM
Category: Internet, Movies, Pop Culture
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the twain meets (sometimes)
The National Hockey League 2006-2007 schedule came out today. Aside from the highlight matchups that make for such good news copy, the wire article includes the setup for the league’s limited interconference gameplay:

Once again the teams will play eight games against divisional rivals and four games against each of the 10 non-division clubs in its conference. The remaining 10 games will be against the other conference, five at home against the clubs in a designated division and five on the road against a different designated division.

For inter-conference play in 2006-07, the Northwest Division teams host the Southeast Division teams and visit the Northeast Division; the Pacific Division teams visit the Southeast Division and receive the Atlantic Division, and the Central Division teams visit the Atlantic Division and play at home against the Northeast Division.

A nice round robin. I’d list out each division’s teams and corresponding home/away tilts, but I’ll let you figure it all out. I’m providing this here for my own reference.

I’m still no fan of this part-way Eastern-Western regular-season play. I’d much rather see every team in the league play every other one at least two times per year; screw the allegedly-intensified rivalry this whack sked supposedly fosters. Like I’ve said repeatedly: If the NBA can swing such a symmetrical schedule with a comparable number of franchises and geographical spread, then so can the NHL.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 07/12/2021 11:24:14 PM
Category: Hockey
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above and beyond
I rarely ever evangelize for some pop band.

But when the band is called Cansei de Ser Sexy, which is the Brazilian Portuguese translation of Beyonce Knowles’ “I’m tired of being sexy” quip… Well, how can I not be onboard?

And when CSS releases a compellingly-staccato synth-rock single entitled “Let’s Make Love and Listen to Death From Above”, the deal is sealed. I was even willing to disregard the omission of “1979″ from the song title — I guess it was long enough. I couldn’t drop my 99 cents into the iTunes bucket fast enough, once I determined that the Diplo Remix version was the techno-licious-est.

I’m now listening to the track over and over and over again, threatening to make myself sick of it. It’s a risk I’m willing to take.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 07/12/2021 10:44:02 PM
Category: Pop Culture
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