Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, May 07, 2021

Just when I was ready to give up on it, last week’s Guess That Song post got rapid-fire action.

Damn. That means I’ve got to do another one. And with a theme, yet. Smacks of work.

But hey, anything for fun. So in that spirit, let me link this week’s edition with something I’ve been acutely aware of while walking the streets of New York: Women’s backsides.

To put it bluntly, a lot of women here have too much junk in the trunk. Not all, but a lot. Maybe it’s fallout from the recent end of winter.

Personally, a fully-fleshed-out bootay doesn’t do it. But that shouldn’t prevent a celebration of the female posterior in song. And there have been more than a few such dedications.

So, below are five sets of lyrics from songs about girls’ butts. You know you know at least one or two of them by heart; the question is, are you brave enough to admit it, and get your linkback to signify it? I’m betting that you are.

1. Queen, “Fat Bottomed Girls” [David]
Left alone with big fat Fanny, she was such a naughty nanny.

2. Spinal Tap, “Big Bottom” [Joel]
My love gun’s loaded and she’s in my sights, big game’s waiting there inside her tights.

3. Sir Mix-A-Lot, “Baby Got Back” [Thud]
I ain’t talkin’ ’bout Playboy, ’cause silicone parts are made for toys.

4. I kicked the bass like an NFL punter, and scoped the booty like a big game hunter.

5. EU, “Da Butt” [Chuck, RL]
When you get that notion, put your backfield in motion.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/07/2021 11:33:28 PM
Category: Pop Culture, Women, Question Time! | Permalink | Feedback (9)

clay bouquetI spent the better part of yesterday afternoon with a 4-year-old girl attached to my leg.

Calm down. The frenetic little twerp in question was my god-niece (if such a term applies to the offspring of one’s god-sister), Jamie. Since I relocated back to New York, she’s taken a shine to me, perhaps picking up on my innately juvenile nature. So whenever she spots me at some family gathering or visit — in yesterday’s case, a birthday party for a couple of nephews — she figures it’s playtime, and starts climbing all over me.

Even though I make like she’s being a pain (because she mostly is), I actually don’t mind at all. Jamie’s a fun little ball of energy, and perfectly enjoyable in small doses. It’s always a breeze when it’s not your kid.

As irresistible as I am to the female pre-K set, just think how much more appealing I’d be if I doused myself with the limited-edition Play-Doh fragrance, devised as part of the celebration of the product’s 50th anniversary. That haunting scent of play-clay compound… Layer that with a paste-scented deodorant, and little kids will glom onto you like you were the the second coming of Barney!

I can’t decide if this inspiration for a fragrance is more or less ludicrous than, say, a Hummer-derived cologne. Or, for that matter, perfumes named after Antonio Banderas and Donald Trump.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/07/2021 10:15:20 PM
Category: Pop Culture, Creative, Fashion | Permalink | Feedback

In case you haven’t noticed, Wal-Mart has been trying to class up its marketing image, partly by ditching a recognizable mascot:

Under [chief marketing officer John Fleming], the smiley-faced character that has symbolized Wal-Mart’s commitment to low prices, which was created by Bernstein-Rein, has virtually disappeared from mainstream ads.

But there’s a more pertinent reason for the company to wean itself off that character: A trademark challenge from France over licensing rights to le smiley.

So in addition to going after the higher-end consumer — who’ll hopefully swing in for a cheap DVD and walk out with an impulse-buy flat-screen TV — the new ad approach serves as a backup in case Wal-Mart loses its court case. Considering the target, the company’s making an upscale grade of lemonade out of lemons.

I got a kick out of the legal definition of Wal-Mart’s customized Mr. Smiley:

You might think a smiley symbol is merely a yellow circle with two dots and a curvy grin.

But this is what Wal-Mart lawyers see when they gaze into Mr. Smiley’s eyes, according to one of their legal filings: “The ’smiley face’ design is comprised of a circle, within which appears two dots, parallel to each other and in the upper third of the circle, approximating eyes in a human face, and an upturned parabola in the lower third of the circle, approximating a smile on a human face. The design appears sometimes with, sometimes without, lines perpendicular to the corners of the ’smile’ element. It is usually represented in the color yellow.”

Proprietary only in the retail-store business. So your emoticon smileys are still safe for email use :)

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 05/07/2021 08:58:42 PM
Category: Advert./Mktg., Business | Permalink | Feedback