Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Tuesday, January 10, 2021

Ever since the dot-com boom, venture capital firms have strained to cast themselves as loosey-goosey hipsters, the better to put start-up kids at ease. It’s rarely a convincing act.

OVP Venture Partners may be perpetrating an act too, but it’s a damn entertaining one. Any VC shop that points out its missed ground-floor opportunities with Starbucks and Amazon, and does it in such a funny way, gets a thumbs-up from me:

The Internet boom was just beginning. Amazon had sales of $4M a year. We had a handshake on a term sheet with the CEO to put $2M into Amazon for 20% of the company (a $10M post money value). At the eleventh hour, some guy named John Doerr flew up and offered $8M going in for 20% of the company (a $40M post money value). Handshake? What handshake?

To get even, we buy all our books at Barnes & Noble. We don’t think Amazon has noticed.

If that’s not enough, they provide a secret glossary of code phrases commonly used in venture capital circles:

Upgrading the management team - The organization is in complete disarray

Well below plan - An outright, unmitigated disaster

Window of opportunity - Without more money, the company is dead

Work closely with the management - Talk to them on the phone once a month

I’m sure OVP’s braintrust shovels it as much as any financial speculators; pointing out the obvious doesn’t change that. But at least they provide an intentional giggle.

- Costa Tsiokos, Tue 01/10/2021 02:58:20 PM
Category: Comedy, Business | Permalink |

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