Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Saturday, December 31, 2020

Another year draws to a close. If you’re looking for a retrospective, personal or otherwise, you’ve come to the wrong joint.

But if you’ve come looking for a New Year’s greeting as only Eddie Murphy in Trading Places can deliver it, then you’ve hit the right spot. And unlike last year’s year-opening greeting, I’ve even got a link to it in audio format:

“Merry New Year!”

And see you on the other side…

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 12/31/2005 01:23:16 PM
Category: Movies
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getting in
Sports fans are all familiar with the concept of a team that, even if it wins games late in the season, needs help from other teams playing other teams to actually get into the postseason.

But that’s under normal circumstances. So fouled up is the NFC this year that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers would actually need help to not get into the playoffs:

The NFL says there is only one set of circumstances in which the Bucs can miss the playoffs.

8 p.m. Saturday: Oakland beats the Giants.

1 p.m. Sunday: The Bucs lose to New Orleans and Carolina wins at Atlanta.

4:15 p.m. Sunday: Washington beats Philadelphia.

8:30 p.m. Sunday: Dallas beats St. Louis.

If all those happen, the NFL would need to figure out the strength of victory tiebreaker to knock out the Bucs, the Giants or the Cowboys (and the Bucs might still get in).

There’s convolution for you.

I’m actually quite amused by this, and by Chicago, the Giants and all these other NFC teams getting on the road to the Super Bowl. Because it’s been painfully obvious, for the past month, that all those teams are the weakest bunch of pretenders to qualify in a long time. There’s no doubt in my mind that whoever comes out of the AFC side — whether it’s the Colts, Broncos, Bengals, etc. — will roll right over the NFC chumps on the other side of the field. So it really doesn’t matter who gets the National Football Conference crown, because they’re going to get crushed in February.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 12/31/2005 12:30:22 PM
Category: Football
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Last year, the AP’s Jake Coyle crafted an amusing alternate-reality scenario for the entertainment landscape, with the divergence point being Janet Jackson not exposing her breast during that Super Bowl halftime show.

Coyle’s back at it for this year in review, using the non-occurence of Tom Cruise’s couch-jumping Oprah moment as the jump-off point.

Hurt by Cruise’s cold, somber manner on “Oprah,” Holmes storms out of the studio and announces that she’s leaving the “War of the Worlds” star.

“He could have at least hugged an ottoman,” Holmes says.

Spurned by the 27-year-old beauty, Cruise undergoes a period of self-examination and gives up Scientology. Devastated over losing its most famous member, the church quickly recruits Russell Crowe.

Enlightenment soothes Crowe’s anger, and the notorious phone-tossing incident never happens (although there are reports of the actor flicking a Cheez-It at a hotel bellboy).

I’ve gotta say, it just doesn’t measure up to the previous year. Maybe that perfect storm of boobies and governmental hysteria gave 2004 some legs. Or maybe Coyle shouldn’t be milking the same cow two years in a row.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sat 12/31/2005 10:10:13 AM
Category: Celebrity, Media
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