Within minutes, I’m heading out to catch The Aristocrats.

I trust I won’t be disappointed by all the preceding hype. And anyway, how can I resist a cinematic experience that’s audacious enough to use the punchline from its centerpiece joke as the film’s title?

A coworker today kept mispronouncing the title as “The Aristocats“. I pointed out that that was a Disney movie (one of the lesser ones from that studio’s animation stable), and couldn’t be more diametrically opposite from the flick I’m catching tonight.

I’m hoping it’s not only gut-busting funny, but also as enlightening about the comic craft as the underrated Comedian was. Unfortunately, Jerry Seinfeld isn’t in Aristocrats.

Ah… I cannot tell you what a warm, fuzzy feeling I got from reading about the Florida Marlins batboy who heaved his guts out from the old gallon-of-milk-in-sixty-seconds trick.

Because college just wouldn’t have been the same without that scam, along with the classic Wonderbread challenge. And we never even had to offer the princely sum of $500; I doubt more than 10 bucks was ever wagered.

Of course, some joker’s always upping the ante in this arena:

The Saltine Challenge: Ingest six Saltine crackers in 60 seconds (Note: All challenges must occur without the help of water or any other digestive lubricants)…

The Cinnamon Challenge: Ingest one teaspoon of cinnamon in 60 seconds (Note: cinnamon sugar is not acceptable)…

The Saltine Challenge No. 2: Ingest four saltines in 60 seconds AND then whistle.
The Twinkies Challenge: Ingest three twinkies in 60 seconds.
The Wendy’s Challenge: Put the entire contents of a Wendy’s kids meal into a blender (small hamburger, fries and Sprite), and ingest it in five minutes.

Hard to believe why anyone would hate us for our freedom…