Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, August 14, 2021

I ran across this Flash-enabled comic strip generator a couple of days ago.

I’ve been trying in vain to come up with something on it. But I think I’m just in a dry spell, compounded by too much work.

So I decided to go the adaptation route, instead. Taking Sticks of Fire’s innocent query into unforeseen territory, I give you the ageless question about Floridians and lightbulbs, in comic-strip form.

I’m not sure which one I like more: This, or the make-your-own-Flash-movie “Insult Master” exercise.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/14/2005 04:09pm
Category: Comedy, Florida Livin', Internet
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This afternoon, I had to go to the bathroom. To aid the procedure, I started to untie the drawstrings on the Nike swimtrunk shorts I was wearing.

Drat the luck — I pulled them the wrong way, and ended up creating the knottiest of knots. Worse, it wound up making the shorts even more snug around my waist.

Had I really, really needed to relieve myself, I probably would have ripped the shorts right off. But I wasn’t nearly in that much urinary distress. So I tried to undo the knot.

It just wouldn’t budge. My fingernails were way too short to do the job. I pulled out a pair of tweezers, but they too couldn’t separate the melded laces.

Before I knew it, 20 minutes of futility had passed, and the knot remained.

So I thought, screw this.

Perhaps inspired by a recent viewing of Alexander — but only indirectly, since that big-screen spectacle omitted the Macedonian Marauder’s fabled Gordian Knot episode — I grabbed a pair of scissors and snipped my way to freedom. Leaving a pair of ruined shorts in my wake, but a relieved bladder as (temporary) compensation.

I felt kinda bad at first, because I liked those shorts, and they didn’t really look so bad for being a few years old. But upon closer, post-mortem inspection, I can see a couple of tiny holes and other signs of wear-and-tear. So I guess it was for the best.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/14/2005 03:17pm
Category: Fashion, History, Movies
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Are you like me, and just can’t get enough of the steady stream of Stalinist rhetoric coming out of North Korea‘s Korean Central News Agency?

Good news: NK News is here. The site is the brainchild of Geoff Davis, a San Francisco graphic artist who wanted to create a searchable archive of the KCNA’s news releases, and grew it into so much more.

Readers can get a taste of that KCNA style from recommended key word searches, such as “burning hatred,” which turns up 18 articles. The targets of that hot wrath include Japan, Yankees, “U.S. imperialist ogres” and “class enemies.”

“Human scum” yields 25 KCNA reports applying that epithet to President Bush, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and diplomat John Bolton. Rumsfeld also keeps company with Japanese officials in the “political dwarf” category.

Davis did a superb job in creating a consitently comical theme throughout this faux state media organ. Dubbbing the search utility “STALIN” (for STatistical Analyzer of Language In North Korean Propaganda) was a master stroke.

The highlight of NK News is the Random Insult Generator, where you can conjure up handy smackdowns, Pyongyang-style:

For those seeking a comic diversion from blood-curdling diatribes and self-congratulatory reports, Davis created a “random insult generator” using pejorative words commonly found on KCNA.

“You loudmouthed beast, your ridiculous clamor for ‘human rights’ is nothing but a shrill cry!” reads one insult. One click later and the message is: “You sycophantic stooge, you have glaringly revealed your true colors!”

I just scored this one: “You swollen-headed stooge, we will transform your country into a sea of fire!” It’s got a definite retro-Cold War panache. Along with a possible dash of vintage “Ren and Stimpy” thrown in.

In keeping with the tone — and, probably, indirect inspiration — Davis has liberally adorned the site with imagery from Team America.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/14/2005 01:25pm
Category: Comedy, Internet, Media, Political
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Had some Cinnamon Toast Crunch for breakfast today. Damn tasty, I must say.

I’m a bit surprised I can enjoy it. Because when the cereal first came out in the mid-’80s, and they incessantly played that annoying jingle on the TV spots, I took to calling the stuff “Cinnamon Toe Scrunch”. And I still can’t look at a box of the stuff and not remind myself of my ribaldly teenaged wit.

I can’t comment on the drink version, but I wouldn’t mind mixing it up sometime.

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 08/14/2005 10:41am
Category: Food
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