Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Friday, March 11, 2021

I’m not one to jump on the bandwagon in bashing Southern culture. Still, I found this list of how Microsoft would be different if it were HQed in Georgia instead of Washington to be durned funny. I especially liked No. 5:

1. Their #1 product would be Microsoft Winders

2. Instead of an hourglass icon you’d get an empty beer bottle

3. Occasionally you’d bring up a window that was covered with a Hefty bag

4. Dialog boxes would give you the choice of “Ahh-ight” or “Naw”

5. Instead of “Ta-Da!”, the opening sound would be Dueling Banjos

6. The “Recycle Bin” in Winders ‘95 would be an outhouse

7. Whenever you pulled up the Sound Player you’d hear a digitized drunk redneck yelling “Freebird!”

8. Instead of “Start Me Up”, the Winders ‘95 theme song would be Achy-Breaky Heart

9. PowerPoint would be named “ParPawnt”

10. Microsoft’s programming tools would be “Vishul Basic” and “Vishul C++”

11. Winders 95 logo would incorporate Confederate Flag

12. Microsoft Word would be just that: one word

13. New Shutdown WAV: “Y’all come back now!”

14. Instead of VP, Microsoft big shots would be called “Cuz”

15. Hardware could be repaired using parts from an old Trans Am

16. Microsoft Office replaced with Micr’sawft Henhouse

17. Four words: Daisy Dukes Screen Saver

18. Well, the first thing you know, old Bill’s a billionaire

19. Speadsheet software would include examples to inventory dead cars in your front yard

20. Flight Simulator replaced by Tractor Pull Simulator

21. Microsoft CEO: Bubba Gates

22. Redman plug’n'play interface

23. They could still use Ky-row as code name for next upgrade, but Albenny would be the one after that

24. Screen saver would be a kudzu vine which would consume your program manager

25. Instructions for use would include “mash the control key”

26. The HQ building will be a double wide on cinder blocks, because MICROSOFT is hyear to stay

- Costa Tsiokos, Fri 03/11/2021 10:19:03 AM
Category: Tech, Comedy | Permalink | Feedback (1)

Headline writing is a tightrope performance: A wonder to behold when done right, a spectacle when not.

Maybe “spectacle” is too strong for this hed:

Techno dreams get some traction

But my first impression from seeing the word “techno” was that the column would be about techno music. That impression was quickly dispelled when I started reading and found out that “techno”, in this case, referred to technology — specifically medical technology. That being the case, I would have gone with “tech” instead; it’s more accurate, and shorter to boot.

The musical connotation might seem a bit narrow; “techno” seems to be an accepted synonym in Britain. But the primary American dictionary definition does indeed cite the music descriptor first, so I think the headline writer (different from the colunmist, remember) flubbed this one.

- Costa Tsiokos, Fri 03/11/2021 10:05:21 AM
Category: Media, Pop Culture, Tech | Permalink | Feedback (1)

Since I’m fixated on numbers here lately, I noticed that I just reached 100 posts under the Pop Culture category, the most of any category here. The centennial post: “Uncle Duke’s Exploding Head”; seems appropriate enough, as sometimes the info overload gives my brain that explodin’ feeling.

I’m quite surprised that Pop Culture is the first category to roll up that many posts. If I had to guess, I would have picked something like Advertising/Marketing or Tech to have occupied most of my blogging time. (Actually, if I were really to let loose, Sports and all its subcategories would have engulfed this site long ago; but I consciously limit my contributions there, because I’d get burned out on it quickly.)

A big reason why Pop Culture racked up so many tags is that I’ve put things like music and consumer products under its rubric. I could always break things like that into subcategories or separate categories, but it just feels right the way it is. But that makes for a large universe of topics under that listing.

I guess this explains why I got an email yesterday from MSNBC’s “Connected Coast-to-Coast” looking for a “conservative pop culture blogger” to participate in a panel discussion. I declined; no time, and not up on whatever was the controversy du jour. But if my pop-cultural cred continues to precede me, maybe I’d better stay prepared.

- Costa Tsiokos, Fri 03/11/2021 09:30:00 AM
Category: Bloggin', Pop Culture | Permalink | Feedback (1)