Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Monday, March 07, 2021

now on video
Like you couldn’t see this coming:

“Burger King: Ranch Song” - .wmv, 3.6MB
Different versions and formats can be found at Who You Talkin’ At?

Since I’m sure this will bring tons of traffic, I’ll take the opportunity to announce the retirement of the Media Mondays category, effective with this post. It really hasn’t created a following, as I’d hoped it would. Plus, I quickly found out that I didn’t have quite as many of those multimedia files to upload as I thought I had. It’s become a bit of a hassle with no payback, so I’m ditching it. I might revive it at some point.

In the meantime:

When my belly starts a-rumblin’
And I’m jonesin’ for a treat
I close my eyes for a big surprise
The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
The breasts they grow on trees
And streams of bacon ranch dressing
Flow right up to your knees

There’s tumbleweeds of bacon
And cheddar paves the streets
Folks don’t diss front you ’cause you got the juice
There’s a train of ladies comin’ with a nice caboose
Never get in trouble, never need an excuse
The Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

I love the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch
No one tells you to behave
Your wildest fantasies come true
Dallas cheerleaders give you shaves
Red onions make you laugh instead
And french fries grow like weeds
You get to veg all day
All the lotto tickets pay
There’s a king who wants you to have it your way
That’s the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch

Come ‘n get it…

- Costa Tsiokos, Mon 03/07/2021 09:12:21 PM
Category: Media Mondays | Permalink |

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  1. Hootie Does BK; America Wretches
    May Costa Tsiokos burn in hell for burning out my retinas with this. I don’t know what to wish upon Darius Rucker. Death seems too merciful. Besides, I can’t do anything to him that he hasn’t already done to his career….

    Trackback by The Zero Boss — 03/07/2021 @ 11:01:13 PM

  2. Is this what he really meant when he sang…”with a little love, and some tenderness”?

    Comment by Kirby — 03/07/2021 @ 11:11:20 PM

  3. “The breasts they grow on trees” ??

    I know they’re talking about chicken, but it still seems wrong somehow. .

    Comment by The Belt — 03/08/2021 @ 08:15:21 PM

  4. I like the BK commercial… especially the girl wearing the “VIDA” hot pants.

    Comment by R Bonham — 03/09/2021 @ 08:16:34 AM

  5. I have to admit I’m attached to Pimp My Burger right now.

    Comment by David — 03/09/2021 @ 05:56:43 PM

  6. I dunno, the Pimp My Burger one doesn’t seem to have the same kick to it. Then again, I don’t watch Pimp My Ride, so it’s not supposed to hit my buttons.

    Comment by CT — 03/10/2021 @ 11:33:12 AM

  7. Burger King commercial.
    There is something really subtle in the backgroud of the one cowboy laying down and leaning on his elbow. You watch it and see what you think. It appears that a long thing is growing directly behind him, looks like a ##### on.

    Comment by Michael — 03/10/2021 @ 06:02:10 PM

  8. The background fries are not all that subtle, and not such an earth-shattering discovery: Two others on this site have already commented on it.

    The visual matches the “french fries grow like weeds” lyrics. I’m sure director David LaChapelle intended the wink-wink aspect.

    Comment by CT — 03/10/2021 @ 10:31:18 PM

  9. Dude,
    Thanx for posting the vid file of hootie! I enjoy it very much.

    Comment by MonkeyFan — 03/11/2021 @ 03:42:56 AM

  10. This commercial cracks me up. There are so many subtleties in it that every time you watch it you see something new. I think I just saw Jenna Jameson in it.
    My wife is a big Hootie fan and the first time she saw this it was like she’d been shocked.

    Comment by Hoosier Daddy — 03/11/2021 @ 10:26:22 AM

  11. who is the girl at the end that says, “com’n get it?”

    Comment by coment by ???? — 03/12/2021 @ 11:24:39 PM

  12. Thats brooke burke…

    Comment by Shagger — 03/13/2005 @ 01:11:56 AM

  13. I really like this commercial. Very true though-all of the inuendos are supposed to be there. I don’t think it’s bad for Hootie…in fact, it will put his face back up again.

    Comment by Katie — 03/15/2005 @ 12:51:46 AM

  14. That king looks really creepy.

    Comment by ned — 03/15/2005 @ 01:09:45 AM

  15. This song rocks

    Comment by Kyle — 03/15/2005 @ 02:06:53 PM

  16. This is the greatest commercial of all time.

    Brooke Burke can feed me that sandwich anytime.

    Comment by Texisportcross — 03/15/2005 @ 05:36:14 PM

  17. This needs to be edited for children.

    Comment by Dani — 03/17/2005 @ 01:30:12 AM

  18. BK needs to re think its advertising strategy. What this commercial is entising, is the 20 yr old fat loser sitting in a dorm room wasting his parents money. At least my young children don’t ask to go to BK. Keep it up! I want them to keep eating healthy!

    Comment by Elaine — 03/17/2005 @ 01:53:58 AM

  19. This Commercial is Great! Yeah, there are some strategically placed inuendos, but i would much rather have my chilrden watch the irony of this commercial, ( which in the end, never catching the irony, Like say Shrek, The Incredibles) then watchin blatant violence, and nudity that occurs on standard television programs. As well as the ever popular Childrens channel, MTV. HA! As if there weren’t targeted marketing there.

    Comment by PrOpHeCy — 03/17/2005 @ 04:31:51 AM

  20. yes this song rocks i wish i knew the tabs i tryed to play the cords he is playing but they dont fit the song..

    Comment by Zach Ruck — 03/17/2005 @ 12:18:20 PM

  21. Is that Christina A in the beginning?

    Comment by SLAP — 03/20/2005 @ 02:49:27 PM

  22. lol this is the weirdest commercial ever i dont knw y u lke it so much eric

    Comment by raY- — 03/20/2005 @ 04:58:21 PM

  23. ths is the all time strangest commercial ever! i dnt knw y u lke it so much mr.masters

    Comment by ms.marker — 03/20/2005 @ 05:07:43 PM

  24. who are the 2 guys leaning on the elbows back to back eating the burger??

    Comment by hottie — 03/20/2005 @ 05:42:55 PM

  25. Wow, did you see my butt in this commercial? It looks so tasty. Even moreso than the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch. Has anyone tried it yet?

    Comment by Vida — 03/20/2005 @ 05:53:59 PM

  26. TCBCR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Comment by hi — 03/20/2005 @ 06:59:42 PM

  27. doesn’t anyone know who those 2 guys were??

    Comment by hottie — 03/20/2005 @ 07:05:31 PM

  28. Genious, Genious, Genious! I love the people that watch the commercial, get offended, take the time to look it up on the Internet, sign in, and write a paragraph or more of why they hate it… This kind of PR will put BK back on the map!
    PS: damn Vida’s butt looks good

    Comment by LAfilmProd — 03/20/2005 @ 09:22:44 PM

  29. Yes Vida, your buns looked good enough to eat! When can I try it?

    Comment by NJBootyLvr — 03/22/2005 @ 09:03:33 AM

  30. It’s campy, surreal, and hypnotizing-perfect ad.

    Comment by margjones — 03/22/2005 @ 09:22:48 AM

  31. WHO IS THAT GIRL in the beginnning, she is blonde, standing on a ladder, taking one of the sandwiches out of a tree? PLEASE!

    Comment by Matt — 03/22/2005 @ 10:50:31 AM

  32. […] sonally, I thought was God-awful) - Burger King’s “Fantasy Ranch” spot (of course) - Hewlett-Packard’s “Picture B […]

    Pingback by TIVO-HEADS’ FAVORITE COMMERCIALS Population Statistic — 03/22/2005 @ 02:33:56 PM

  33. The BK com. is fucking awsome and if any of you think it is stupid or a bad move for darius rucker or abscene you just dont know funny and you wouldn’t know a good commercial if it came up and bit you in the ass

    Comment by SFactor — 03/22/2005 @ 08:34:17 PM

  34. This Commercial DOMINATES!

    Comment by sam — 03/23/2005 @ 12:53:38 AM

  35. The commercial is memorable, catchy and bizzare, exactly what the agency was hoping for. But any more like this and they’ll ruin the idea and it won’t work anymore. For now it’s still cool. Vida, Brooke, the Dallas Cheerleaders, and what looks like Christina Aguilera all rock in the commercial! Hilarious!

    Comment by John S. — 03/23/2005 @ 10:11:10 AM

  36. I love reading message boards like this. It’s a truly inspiring use of the First Amendment and I love the encouraging atmosphere that makes people feel good about speaking their minds and giving their own opinions. And if someone disagrees with someone else’s opinion, I think it’s neat how that person is instantly labeled as a homosexual or an idiot in some way. Well done SFactor. (This is called sarcasm in case you are as bright as SFactor and others and need it explained)

    P.S. I thought the commercial was funny.

    Comment by 'sup — 03/23/2005 @ 03:39:01 PM

  37. “Message boards like this”… except that this isn’t a message board — it’s my blog. Which seems to elude more than a few people, somehow.

    That said, carry on.

    Comment by CT — 03/23/2005 @ 09:02:44 PM

  38. I think this has to be the most imaginative and creative commercial I have ever seen. I sing the song for days after hearing it! NOW I HAVE THE WORDS! THANKS!

    FYI - the song is “Big Rock Candy Mountain” written by Harry McClintock. It came out in the 1950s and recently was included on the (awesome!) soundtrack to Oh Brother Where Art Thou.

    I LOVE IT! Wish my caboose looked that good!

    Comment by Stayce — 03/24/2005 @ 01:20:06 AM

  39. Yes, the “Big Rock Candy” connection has been duly noted before, and in fact is a big reason why I love this commercial so much.

    And FYI, McClintock’s version of the song was popularized during the Great Depression in the 1930s; he actually wrote it in the 1920s (and I guess its ultimate origins go back to the 1890s).

    Comment by CT — 03/24/2005 @ 09:08:14 AM

  40. Hey I have to write a paper on this commercial for a third year university course on semiotics-i’ll submit it after if anyone would like to see it-so let me know.

    Comment by Danielle — 03/24/2005 @ 01:00:59 PM

  41. Um…no one gives a good god damn about your little thrid year university course assignements. jesus, get a life danielle….

    Comment by um yeah — 03/24/2005 @ 08:56:45 PM

  42. The girl on the left pushing the pump thing is so hot. That body made my jaw drop. I really like the little diddy also. Great B job King. I mean, great job B King.

    Comment by remote admirer — 03/24/2005 @ 08:59:10 PM

  43. Hootie sucks

    Comment by Jason — 03/24/2005 @ 09:35:37 PM

  44. This jingle is so damn catchy it’s not even funny, just wish I could find some place to download the audio file… What would be sweet is if BK had a single with the song, the actual commercial and a list of who appeared in it for sale and donated the proceeds to charity. Hell I’d drop five bucks on it.

    Comment by Travis — 03/24/2005 @ 10:18:31 PM

  45. i actually fell for the commercial. i actually waited until lent ended so that i could eat meet, and the jingle was so catchy, and tendercrisp bacon cheddar ranch is some sort of fun tongue twister…

    so i bought one.
    and it was pretty darn good.

    i pretend to be brooke burke sometimes… “cooooome and get it!”

    Comment by vanessa — 03/27/2005 @ 03:47:39 PM

  46. Hootie and the Blowfish face death ray, headline Rites of Spring
    I’m not a fan of Hootie and the Blowfish. Their music seems pretty well designed to not offend people, so I can’t really say anything derogatory about it. It’s sort of like a noble gas, just filling space, not affecting the listener. But Hootie isn…

    Trackback by Eternal Recurrence — 03/31/2005 @ 01:39:13 PM

  47. Chicken Bacon Cheddar Ranch
    (Thank you to Population Statistic for the image of Hootie.)

    The Chicken Bacon Cheddar Ranch from Burger King is far and away the most exciting new arrival to the Burker King menu in a very long time. Typically I will not deviate from the double c…

    Trackback by Thoughts — 04/22/2005 @ 06:46:26 AM

  48. […] (Editor’s Note: For the lyrics of the Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch song, go visit our friends at the Population Statistic.) […]

    Pingback by The Impulsive Buy » Burger King Tendercrisp Bacon Cheddar Ranch — 07/31/2005 @ 08:39:38 PM

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