His name is Eric “Badlands” Booker, and he’s “America’s Favorite Competitive Eater”.

You can tell he’s a professional, because he’s wearing a crash helmet. He’ll probably die from artery clogging, but at least his skull is safe!

Unfortunately, speed is not in his competitive eating repertoire: A 100-pound woman managed to eat the megaburger shown above in less than half the time it took fatboy.

Come to think of it, isn’t it always that way? The skin-and-bones types often end up the unlikely winners at these asinine eating contests. Heck, this isn’t even the first time Booker got his clock cleaned by someone a fraction of his size: He got beat by a 113-pound Japanese guy at a hotdog-eating contest.

So, really, there’s absolutely no excuse for becoming a disgustingly obese fat-ass. Hit the treadmill, bitch!

UPDATE, 2/1/05: It’s come to my attention that the picture above may be Photoshop-altered. The likely suspects, the burger and Badlands himself, are true to life; but the helmet may be “not real”, i.e. added to the photo afterward.

If so, it’s a pity. The helmet is what grabbed me. Without it, I don’t think I would have bothered with this post at all.