Headline seen while scanning a news website:

Meth Becoming a Threat in Some Cities

My eyes tricked me into thinking it said, “MATH Becoming a Threat in Some Cities”.

I think we all know what a scourge mathematics can be…

Do you tend to use a lot of big words in your speech? If so, you’d better watch your tongue, because it could get you fired.

At least, it can if you work in a comic book shop. And you’re a girl. And your boss is an insecure over-the-hill quasi-lesbian.

I sometimes worry about this myself — not really in professional settings, but in social ones. I get quizzical looks every once in a while over my word usage. It’s not like I’m trying to sound overly-intellectual; honestly, in the course of conversation, certain words flow better than others. I try to keep in mind who I’m speaking with, and on what level, but ultimately, I’m going to express myself the only way I know how. People who know me well get that (mostly); everyone else, deal with it.

If it ever got horribly awkward, I could always claim that English is my second language (which is true — sorta).

Months of heated controversy over a proposed school of chiropractic studies at Florida State University came to an end today, as the state’s Board of Governors torpedoed the idea.

I hope this doesn’t derail plans for the other schools in the now-infamous joke map of FSU’s campus. In particular, the Foundation for Prayer Healing Studies holds a lot of promise.

I probably wouldn’t have bothered to follow-up on this story. But I just couldn’t resist the temptation of running that map again.

His name is Eric “Badlands” Booker, and he’s “America’s Favorite Competitive Eater”.

You can tell he’s a professional, because he’s wearing a crash helmet. He’ll probably die from artery clogging, but at least his skull is safe!

Unfortunately, speed is not in his competitive eating repertoire: A 100-pound woman managed to eat the megaburger shown above in less than half the time it took fatboy.

Come to think of it, isn’t it always that way? The skin-and-bones types often end up the unlikely winners at these asinine eating contests. Heck, this isn’t even the first time Booker got his clock cleaned by someone a fraction of his size: He got beat by a 113-pound Japanese guy at a hotdog-eating contest.

So, really, there’s absolutely no excuse for becoming a disgustingly obese fat-ass. Hit the treadmill, bitch!

UPDATE, 2/1/05: It’s come to my attention that the picture above may be Photoshop-altered. The likely suspects, the burger and Badlands himself, are true to life; but the helmet may be “not real”, i.e. added to the photo afterward.

If so, it’s a pity. The helmet is what grabbed me. Without it, I don’t think I would have bothered with this post at all.