Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Wednesday, December 29, 2020

yo mama
Because I know all my readers are faithful and fervent fans of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force”, I present to you my D.Film re-interpretation of the “Insult Master” tete-a-tete, using elves.

This is, of course, derived from the “Video Ouija” episode of ATHF.

Burn! I am the Insult Master!

Here’s the immortal dialogue, most of which was incorporated into the Flash movie-lette:

Guy #1: Hey man. You stole my wristwatch.
Guy #2: You dumb. I already have a wristwatch. You dumb.
Video Game Announcer: BURNED!!!
Meatwad: Hehehe. Burned.
Guy #1: I saw you looking at it.
Guy #2: Yo mama you did.
Video Game Announcer: Classic Comeback!!
(Meatwad plays some more to make Guy #2 say “Yo Mama Yo Mama Yo Mama”)
Video Game Announcer: INCINERATED!!! You are the Insult Master!

I had to use the elves, because none of the other characters available in D.Film’s stockpile came close enough to the Atari 2600-reminiscent videogame characters featured in the episode. If I could figure out how to upload appropriate block-pixel combatants, I would. In compensation, I think the funky ’70s-era keyboards soundtrack comes damn close to the oldschool videogame sound effects.

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 12/29/2004 11:32:40 PM
Category: Comedy, Pop Culture
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i'm kosher
Boy, do I feel dumb for not catching this when it was announced two years ago (must have been before I started blogging):

Religious merger creates 900 million HinJews.

Sadly, this bold experiment in joining religious and philosophical efficiencies hasn’t worked out:

“On paper, this was a textbook alliance — two smaller competitors join forces to take on a larger adversary [Islam],” said New Delhi resident Chandra Gopan. “But the synergies are just not there. For instance, I still believe I must pursue my own dharmic path to ultimate happiness, but when I get there, I just know my mother will find something wrong with it.”

Just as well. What’s a Passover seder without brisket, anyway?

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 12/29/2004 11:07:29 PM
Category: Comedy, Society
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funky state university
You’re looking at a map of what Florida State University’s campus would look like if a controversial chiropractic school is allowed to open, against the vehement objections of FSU faculty.

Just for fun (and search engine optimization), I’ll list these proposed fake schools of pseudo-knowledge:

- Crop Circle Simulation Laboratory

- Yeti Foundation

- School of Astrology

- Institute of Telekinesis

- Bigfoot Institute

- Department of ESP Studies

- Faith Healing

- College of Homeopathic Medicine

- Foundation for Prayer Healing Studies

- School of UFO Abduction Studies

- School of Channeling and Remote Sensing

- Creationism Foundation

- Past Life Studies

- College of Dowsing

- Palmistry

- Tarot Studies

Hey, in my humble opinion, FSU could do a lot worse than land an Institute of Telekinesis. It would be ahead of the curve, academically.

My compliments to the nameless FSU professor who came up with this doomsday map. Who knew chiropracty was such a reviled field? Despite my wreck of a back, I think I’ll put off my first chiropractic appointment…

by Costa Tsiokos, Wed 12/29/2004 10:44:40 PM
Category: Comedy, Science
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