Population Statistic: Read. React. Repeat.
Sunday, December 26, 2020

Yes, according to Don Diebel, “Americas #1 Singles Expert”, the ladies go all melty-melty for a guy packing a puppet:

- First, you will need a hand puppet. You can buy them at your major toy stores such as Toys R Us.

- Bring your hand puppet with you to a nightclub where there are lots of single ladies.

- When you see a girl that you’re attracted to, approach her and tap her on the shoulder lightly with your puppet and when she turns around raise your hand puppet towards her face and say something like this with your puppet, “Hi beautiful, would you like to dance with me?” Move your puppet up and down with your hand as you are saying your script just as if the puppet was really talking. And be sure to talk in a real silly voice.

- What happens next? She’s going to die laughing and think that you are so funny. Plus, you will make a very favorable impression on her because women love a guy with a sense of humor. And, of course, she will most likely dance with you.

I guess if this doesn’t work, you could make improvisational use of the hand puppet at the end of the night, during your compensatory auto-erotical session.

I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I considered trying this, a few months back (well before finding Diebel’s article). Prior to heading out for a night of self-whoring clubbing, I stopped off for a couple of hours at a friend’s house to visit. His one-and-a-half-year-old daughter was up and about, and I obligingly did the playmate thing.

Among her mountains of toys was a hand puppet of a goat (Vincent Van Goat, actually). Sensing a winner when I saw it, I slipped it on, started with the goofy voice (hoping that it sounded like the “real” Mr. Van Goat, since I’d never heard of him before that night), and proceeded to ask the little girl for a kiss, a taste of whatever she was eating/drinking, and pretending to eat her feet.

She went nuts with laughter! She couldn’t get enough of the routine. And it was plenty of fun from my end.

So, inspired by the baby’s reaction, I actually considered borrowing the puppet as a social aid for the evening. Granted, (most) 20- and 30-year-old women are harder to please than toddlers. But I figured it would make for a unique conversation starter. Yet I also feared the potential humiliation factor if it tanked. I floated the idea past my friend as I was walking out the door, and he pretty much dismissed it, so I dropped the idea.

Maybe I should revisit the idea? It is being endorsed by “Americas #1 Singles Expert”, after all. Although any “expert” who’s got GetGirls.com as his home site gives me pause.

Any women out there want to chime in? If a guy approached you with a silly hand puppet in tow, would you take it as a sign that he’s funny and ballsy? Or a dweeb?

by Costa Tsiokos, Sun 12/26/2004 08:32pm
Category: Society, Women
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4 Feedbacks
  1. Bring your own Wingman… what a concept!

    Comment by Dave — 12/26/2004 @ 9:53 PM

  2. I can just picture the young lady digging the puppet over me. Wondering why I didn’t bring the puppet on that first date. Asking for a “puppet performance” in all kinds of situations. She’d end up preferring to stay in and watch the deleted “Team America” scenes instead of going out.

    Comment by tommy — 12/27/2004 @ 9:57 AM

  3. Nix the puppet. It would make me nervous. Not like hot-guy butterflies nervous, but tight smile, brusque head nod, jet to the ladies room nervous.

    Comment by r* — 12/27/2004 @ 2:23 PM


    Just because it was deemed silly enough to scuttle a New York City mayoral race in “Seinfeld” doesn’t mean it can’t work in real life.
    The nametag, that is. The daily, always-on variety, as sported by Scott Ginsberg, who wear…

    Trackback by Population Statistic — 01/20/2006 @ 8:13 PM

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