So thanks to the lack of a filed marriage license, speculation rumbles that Britney Spears’ surprise marriage this weekend was a hoax, meant to decoy the tabloids away from her real wedding.

Personally, I think the dead giveaway was the report of Journey’s “Lights” being played at the reception. No way does Britney have that sappy song on her special day!

I’m betting the real reception song will be The Dixie Chicks’ “White Trash Wedding”. Tell me these lyrics aren’t appropos:

Chorus
You can’t afford no ring
You can’t afford no ring
I shouldn’t be wearing white
and you can’t afford no ring

You finally took my hand
You finally took my hand
It took a nip of gin
but you finally took my hand

Chorus

Mamma don’t approve
Mamma don’t approve
Daddy says he’s the very best
And mamma don’t approve

Chorus

Baby’s on its way
Baby’s on its way
Say I do and kiss me quick
‘Cause baby’s on its way

I shouldn’t be wearing white and you can’t afford no ring!

Can’t afford no ring, momma don’t approve, nip of gin… and we’ve all heard the bun-in-the-oven rumors. It’s like they custom-wrote it for Ms. Spears.

(Incidentally, the first time I heard “White Trash Wedding” was at the wedding of my friends, Tom and Amber. They thought it had just the right touch of self-deprecation.)