Playing off past reports of a text-messaged retirement “announcement”, David cheekily speculates on how Jeremy Roenick (with his 495 career NHL goals) communicated with San Jose GM Doug Wilson to arrive at a one-year, $500,000 contract with the Sharks:

[Wilson]: wnt 500?
[Roenick]: gols?
W: $
R: wnt both
W: play in sj?
R: k

Does Roenick’s wireless provider get the agent’s commission?