So let me get this straight:

Tom Cruise is pushing for his child bride to undergo a Scientology-proscribed silent-birth delivery, on the theory that “an atmosphere of total quiet, without any groans, screams, or sounds of pain from the mother, or even the audible exchange of information among hospital personnel” is ultimately beneficial for the child.

Yet he’s bought his own sonogram machine, which works by innundating the fetus with high-frequency noise.

I guess Scientologists advocate giving the child an earful (and then some) while in the womb, but not as much after they’re out.

Much like his famed expertise on psychiatry, I think Cruise’s medical knowledge is a little loopy.