Social conservatives must really be starved for popular entertainment if they think March of the Penguins is a motion-picture embodiment of family values and intelligent design, practically a second coming of The Passion of the Christ.

The movie goes on to follow the penguins as they trek back and forth over 70 miles of ice to their breeding ground and huddle together to protect their eggs in temperatures that average 70 degrees below zero Fahrenheit.

To Andrew Coffin, writing in the widely circulated Christian publication World Magazine, that is a winning argument for the theory that life is too complex to have arisen through random selection.

“That any one of these eggs survives is a remarkable feat - and, some might suppose, a strong case for intelligent design,” he wrote. “It’s sad that acknowledgment of a creator is absent in the examination of such strange and wonderful animals. But it’s also a gap easily filled by family discussion after the film.”

Rich Lowry, the editor of National Review, told the young conservatives’ gathering last month: “You have to check out ‘March of the Penguins.’ It is an amazing movie. And I have to say, penguins are the really ideal example of monogamy. These things - the dedication of these birds is just amazing.”

I question a sociopolitical movement that looks to a flightless bird as its spiritual inspiration.

Intelligent Design? These birds live in Antarctica — one of the harshest environments on the planet. They’re freezing their tailfeathers off for their entire lives. I’m thinking a truly intelligent design component would have been to give these hapless beasts flight-worthy wings, so they could leave that hellhole.

I wonder if these characters are aware that Penguins is a French production (original title: La Marche de l’empereur). If any of them are still eating Freedom Fries, it might dampen their enthusiasm for the film…

I think this is a prime demonstration of the conservative mindset. Consider: During its box-office run, Penguins started drawing comparisons with Fahrenheit 9/11, solely in terms of both movies being high-grossing documentaries.

But I guess this basis for comparison was too subtle for some people. Following the “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” philosophy, suddenly everything about the two films went head-to-head. Basically, conservatives have grafted an anti-Fahrenheit mask onto a nature documentary.

And of course, the penguins’ black-and-white symbolism probably helped forge this outlook.